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- #!/bin/bash
- clear
- case $((RANDOM%280+1)) in
- 1)echo "Xander: I don't like vampires. I'm going to take a stand and say
- they're not good." ;;
- 2)echo "Willow: Why couldn't he be possessed by a puppy, or some
- ducks?"
- ;;
- 3)echo "Buffy: It's weird, though. In this way, I feel like he's still
- watching me.
- Willow: Well, in a way he sort of is...in the way of that he's right
- over there."
- ;;
- 4)echo "Buffy: Could I be seeing Billy's asteroid body?
- Giles: Astral body, and I don't know."
- ;;
- 5)echo "Cordelia: You're just a souless bloodsucking demon. They're
- LAWYERS"
- ;;
- 6)echo "Xander: I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it
- goes away"
- ;;
- 7)echo "Xander: Oh, hey, do you want to come to our place for
- dinner? Mom's making her famous phone call to the Chinese place.
- Willow: Xander, do you guys even have a stove?"
- ;;
- 8)echo "Buffy: I can't put it off any longer. I have to meet my
- terrible fate.
- Giles: What?
- Buffy: Biology."
- ;;
- 9)echo "Miss Calendar: Okay, so this Master guy tried to open the
- Hellmouth, but he got stuck in it. And now, all the signs are reading
- that he's going to get out, which opens the Hellmouth, which brings
- the demons which ends the world.
- Giles: Yes. That about sums it up, yes.
- Miss Calendar: The part that gets me, though, is where Buffy is the
- Vampire Slayer. She's so little."
- ;;
- 10)echo "Xander: You were looking at my neck.
- Angel: What?
- Xander: You were checking out my neck, I saw that.
- Angel: No, I wasn't.
- Xander: Just keep your distance, pal.
- Angel: I wasn't looking at your neck.
- Xander: I told you to eat before we left."
- ;;
- 11)echo "Spike (watching, from a distance, a conversation between
- Angel and a woman he just rescued):How can I thank you, you
- mysterious black-clad-hunk-of-a-knight-thing?
- No need little lady. Your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You
- see, I was once a bad-ass vampire. But love, and a pesky curse,
- defanged me. And now, I'm just a *big* fluffy puppy with bad teeth.
- No! Not the hair! Never the hair.
- But there must be some way I can show my appreciation.
- No, helping those in need's my job. And working up a load of sexual
- tension and prancing away like a magnificent poof is truly thanks
- enough.
- I understand. I have a nephew who's gay, so...
- Say no more. Evil's still afoot. And I'm almost out of that Nancy-boy
- hair gel I like so much. Quickly! To the Angel-mobile! Away!"
- ;;
- 12)echo "Angel: Oz.
- Oz: Angel.
- Angel: Nice surprise.
- Oz: Thanks.
- Angel: Staying long?
- Oz: Few days.
- Doyle: They always like this?
- Oz: No, we're usually laconic."
- ;;
- 13) echo "Buffy: Okay, so I battle evil. But I don't really win. The
- bad keeps coming back and getting stronger. I'm like that kid in the
- story, the boy that stuck his finger in the duck.
- Angel: Dike. (Buffy looks at him) It's another word for dam.
- Buffy: Oh. Okay,that story makes a lot more sense now."
- ;;
- 14) echo "Cordelia: I came over here to tell Buffy to stop this
- craziness, and
- found you all unconscious--again. How many times have you been
- knocked out, anyway? I swear, one of these times, you're going
- to wake up in a coma.
- Giles: Wake up in a...? Oh, never mind. We need to save Buffy from
- Hansel and Gretel.
- Cordelia: Now, let's be clear. The brain damage happened before I hit
- you."
- ;;
- 15) echo "Willow: Diana, Hecate, I hereby license thee to depart.
- Goddess of creatures great and small, I conjure thee to withdraw
- Amy: (squeak)
- Buffy: Maybe we should get her one of those wheel thingies."
- ;;
- 16)echo "Buffy: I don't wanna' bug Giles. He's still kinda' twitchy
- when it comes to the subject of Angel.
-
- Xander: Oh, it must be that whole 'Angel killed his girlfriend and
- tortured him' thing, and Giles is petty when it comes to stuff like
- that."
- ;;
-
- 17) echo "Buffy: I'm a great cook... in theory. I've
- eaten a lot"
- ;;
-
- 18) echo "Spike: Willow, tell 'em what I did.
- Willow: You said you were gonna kill me, then Buffy.
- Spike: Yes, bad, but let's skip that part and get to
- the part where I couldn't bite you."
- ;;
-
- 19) echo "Spike: You won. Alright? You came in and you killed them,
- and you took their land. That's what conquering nations do. It's
- what Caeser did, and he's not going around saying I came, I conquered,
- I felt really bad about it."
- ;;
-
- 20) echo "Anya: This isn't a relationship. You don't need me. All
- you care about is lots of orgasms.
- Xander: Okay, remember how we talked about private conversations?
- How they're less private when they're in front of my friends?
- Spike: Oh we're not your friends. Go on.
- Giles: Please don't"
- ;;
-
- 21) echo "Maggie Walsh: We use the latest in scientific technology
- and state-of-the-art weaponry, and you, if I understand correctly,
- poke them with a sharp stick."
- ;;
- 22) echo "
- Joyce: But maybe, we could spend some time together soon? Some night
- when I'm not being held hostage by a raving psychotic."
- ;;
- 23) echo "Xander: Just because you're better than us doesn't mean you
- can be all superior."
- ;;
- 24) echo "Willow: Nervous?
- Xander: No way. I'm full of that good old kamikazee spirit.
- Giles: Xander, just because this is never going to work, there's no
- need to be negative."
- ;;
- 25) echo "
- Colonel: Every inch of this installation is under constant, 24-hour
- surveillance.
- Willow: Including the secret lab?
- Colonel: Everything! (pause) What secret lab?"
- ;;
- 26)echo "
- Giles: This one?
- Buffy: Amethyst.
- Giles: Used for?
- Buffy: Breath mints?
- Giles: Charm bags, money spells and for cleansing one's aura.
- Buffy: Okay, so how do you know if one's aura's dirty? Somebody
- comes by with a finger and writes 'wash me' on it?"
- ;;
- 27) echo "
- Angel: It was a bright afternoon out in front of your school. You
- walked down the steps. And I loved you.
- Buffy: Why?
- Angel: 'Cause I could see your heart. You held it before you for
- everyone to see. And I worried that it would be bruised or torn. And
- more than anything in my life I wanted to keep it safe, to warm it
- with my own.
- Buffy: That's beautiful. Or taken literally, incredibly gross.
- Angel: I was just thinking that, too."
- ;;
- 28)echo "
- Cordelia: What's going on? Oh god, is the world ending? I have to
- research a paper on Bosnia for tomorrow, but if the world's ending,
- I'm not gonna bother."
- ;;
- 29)echo "
-
- Cordelia: If the world doesn't end, I'm gonna need a note."
- ;;
- 30)echo "Buffy: You're missing the whole point of Halloween.
- Willow: Free candy?!"
- ;;
- 31)echo "Willow: You're thinking too much. Maybe you need to be
- impulsive.
- Buffy: Impulsive? Do you remember my ex-boyfriend? The vampire? I
- slept
- with him, he lost his soul, and now my boyfriend's gone forever and
- the demon
- that wears his face is killing my friends. The next impulsive decision
- I make will
- be my choice of dentures.
- Willow: Okay. The Angel thing went badly. I'm on board with that."
- ;;
-
- 32) echo "Willow: The only solution is the final solution.
- Xander: Nuke the school? I like that.
- Willow: Not quite. Exorcism.
- Cordelia: Are you crazy? I saw that movie. Even the priest died."
-
- ;;
- 33) echo "Willow: Everything seems normal. Not a snake, not a wasp.
- Cordelia: Yup. School can open tomorrow.
- Xander: Explain to me again how that's a good thing?
- Cordelia: I'm drawing a blank."
- ;;
-
- 34) echo "Giles: Nothing left but skin and cartilage.
- Xander: In other words, this was no boating accident."
- ;;
-
- 35) echo "Buffy: So, something ripped him open and ate out his
- insides.
- Willow: Like an Oreo cookie. Well, except for, you know, without the
- chocolatey cookie goodness."
- ;;
-
- 36) echo "Spike: It's a big rock. Can't wait to tell my friends. They
- don't have a rock this
- big."
- ;;
- 37) echo "Angel: Acathla turned to stone, as demons sometimes do, and
- was buried
- where neither man nor demon would want to look...unless, of course,
- they're
- putting up low-rent housing."
- ;;
- 38) echo "Kendra: I call it Mr. Pointy.
- Buffy: You named your stake?
- Kendra: Yes.
- Buffy: Remind me to get you a stuffed animal."
- ;;
-
- 39) echo "Buffy: What do you want?
- Spike: I told you. I want to stop Angel. I want to save the world.
- Buffy: Okay, you do remember that you're a vampire, right?
- Spike: We like to talk big... vampires do. I'm going to destroy the
- world.
- That's just tough-guy talk. Strutting around with your friends over a
- pint of
- blood. The truth is, I _like_ this world. You've got...dog racing,
- Manchester
- United. And you've got people. Billions of people walking around like
- Happy
- Meals with legs. It's all right here. But then someone comes along
- with a vision.
- With a real... passion for destruction. Angel could pull it off.
- Good-bye, Picadilly.
- Farewell, Leicester-bloody-Square."
- ;;
-
- 40)echo "Joyce: Have we met?
- Spike: You hit me with an ax one time. Remember? Uh, 'Get the hell
- away from
- my daughter!'
- Joyce: Oh. So, do you, uh, live here in town?"
- ;;
-
- 41) echo "Giles: It's a trick. They get inside my head, make me see
- things I want.
- Xander: Then why would they make you see me?
- Giles: You're right. Let's go."
- ;;
-
- 42)echo "Giles: In order...to be worthy...you must perform the
- ritual...in a tutu. Pillock!
- Angel: All right, someone get the chain saw."
-
- ;;
- 43)echo "Willow: Maybe we shouldn't be too couply around Buffy.
- Cordelia: Oh, you mean 'cause of how the only guy that ever liked her
- turned
- into a vicious killer and had to be put down like a dog?
- Xander: Can she cram complex issues into a nutshell or what?"
- ;;
- 44) echo "Faith: Isn't it crazy how slayin' just always makes you
- hungry and horny?
- Buffy: Well... sometimes I crave a nonfat yogurt afterwards."
- ;;
- 45) echo "Willow: Oz is a werewolf.
- Buffy: It's a long story.
- Oz: I got bit.
- Buffy: Apparently not that long.
- Faith: Hey, as long as you don't go scratchin' at me or humpin' my
- leg, we're
- five-by-five, ya' know?
- Oz: Fair enough."
-
- ;;
-
- 46) echo "Cordelia: What is stalking nowadays, like, the third most
- popular sport among men?
- Angel: Fourth, after luge"
- ;;
-
- 47) echo "Angel: It's complicated how this all happened, Buffy, you
- know. It's kind of a long story.
- Buffy: Your new sidekick had a vision, I was in it, you came to
- Sunnydale?
- Angel: Okay, maybe not that long."
- ;;
-
- 48) echo "Cordelia: Oh my god! She killed him! (touches dust) Oops. My
- bad. It's just dust. I forgot to clean under the rug.
- Doyle: What are you trying to give me a heart attack?
- Cordelia: Hey, don't blame me if he's too cheap to hire a cleaning
- lady."
- ;;
-
- 49) echo "Angel: She murdered a man right in front of me, and I can't
- even testify to that fact in a court of law.
- Cordelia: Well, maybe in night court you could..."
- ;;
-
- 50) echo "Cordelia: Do you know what he's going to do to me when he
- finds out I let his car get stolen? I mean, what are the chances that
- a vampire has full insurance with a low deductible?"
- ;;
-
- 51) echo "Anya: For a thousand years I wielded the powers of the
- Wish. I brought ruin to the heads of unfaithful men. I brought forth
- destruction and chaos for the pleasure of the lower beings. I was
- feared and worshipped across the mortal globe. And now I'm stuck at
- Sunnydale High. Mortal. Child. And I'm flunking Math."
-
- ;;
-
- 52) echo "Willow: Old reliable? Yeah, great. There's a sexy
- nickname.
- Buffy: Well, I didn't mean it as...
- Willow: No, it's fine, I'm Old Reliable.
- Xander: She just means, you know, the geyser. You're like a
- geyser of fun that goes off at regular intervals.
- Willow: That's Old Faithful.
- Xander: Isn't that the dog that the guy had to shoot...?
- Willow: That's Old Yeller.
- Buffy: Xander, I beg you not to help me."
-
- ;;
-
- 53) echo "Buffy: Will, wait. I'm really sorry.
- Willow: Buff, I'm storming off. It doesn't really work if you come
- with me."
-
- ;;
-
- 54) echo "Buffy: Willow, you're alive.
- Willow: Aren't I usually?"
-
- ;;
-
- 55) echo "
- Buffy: It was exactly you, Will. Every detail. Except for your not
- being a dominatrix... as far as we know.
- Willow: Oh, right, me and Oz play Mistress of Pain every night.
- Xander: Did anyone else just go to a scary visual place?
- Buffy: Oh, yeah.
- Giles: (raises glasses)"
- ;;
-
- 56) echo "
-
- Willow: It's horrible. That's me as a vampire? I'm so evil, and
- skanky. And I think I'm kind of gay.
- Buffy: Willow, just remember, a vampire's personality has nothing
- to do with the person it was.
- Angel: Well, actually... That's a good point."
- ;;
-
- 57) echo "
- Wesley: Back, creature of the night! Leave this place!
- Evil Willow: Don't wanna.
- Wesley: (threatens with holy water)
- Evil Willow: (sighs) Whatever."
- ;;
-
- 58) echo "
- Giles: Demons after money. Whatever happened to the still-beating
- heart of a virgin? No one has any standards anymore."
- ;;
-
- 59)echo "
- Wesley: Wait for Faith.
- Buffy: That could be hours. The girl makes Godot look punctual."
- ;;
-
- 60)echo "
- Willow: I mean, please. Does Angel come up to Faith's standards
- for a guy? Let's see, is he breathing?
- Buffy: Actually, no."
- ;;
-
- 61) echo "Buffy: Look, I know this new guy's a dork,
- but... Well, I have nothing to follow that. He's
- pretty much just a dork."
- ;;
-
- 62) echo "
- Xander: I have my pride. Okay, so I don't have a *lot* of my pride,
- but I have enough so that I can't do this."
- ;;
-
- 63) echo "Cordelia: You can't see everything. You're just a vampire
- like everyone else. . . that didn't come out right."
- ;;
- 64) echo "Cordelia: We were just discussing whether or not we should
- offer to pay Gunn.
- Angel: No you weren't.
- Wesley: Well, our discussions tend to go about 3 minutes, then it's
- strictly name calling and hair pulling."
- ;;
-
- 65) echo "Gunn: Fair Cordelia. You still savin' my life?
- Cordelia: Every minute.
- Gunn: How's that workin' out?
- Cordelia: You're alive aren't you?"
- ;;
- 66) echo "
- Buffy: She's playing you. She tried to kill you.
- Angel: That was just. . . That was just a cry for help.
- Buffy: A cry for help is when you say "Help" in a loud
- voice."
- ;;
- 67) echo " Angel: Donuts?
- Wesley: Developed a sweet fang, have you?"
- ;;
- 68) echo "
- Wesley: I can't tell you how sorry I am that I allowed this to happen.
- Cordelia: I believe it was Faith who allowed her elbow to collide with
- my face.
-
- Wesley: At least you only got the elbow.
- Cordelia: Well, if it's any consolation, it looks like you were
- tortured by a much larger woman"
- ;;
-
- 69) echo "Xander: Hmm, and we thought just because we didn't have any
- money or any
- place to go, this'd be a lackluster evening.
- Willow: I know! We could go to the Bronze, and sneak in our own tea
- bags and
- ask for hot water.
- Xander: Hop off the outlaw train, Will, before you land us all in
- jail."
- ;;
-
- 70) echo "Cordelia: Buffy, these men are rich, and I am not being
- shallow. Think of all the
- poor people I could help with all my money."
- ;;
-
- 71) echo "Giles: What are you doing?
- Willow: Oh. Sorry. The reflection thing that you don't have...Angel,
- how do you
- shave?"
- ;;
-
- 72) echo "Angel: Buffy.
- Buffy: Angel.
- Xander: Xander."
- ;;
-
- 73)echo "Giles: I'll have you know that I have very, um, many
- relaxing hobbies.
- Buffy: Such as?
- Giles: Well, um...I enjoy cross-referencing.
- Buffy: Do you stuff your own shirts or do you send 'em out?"
- ;;
-
- 74)echo "Xander: She must be right. We must have some kind of
- amnesia.
- Buffy: I don't know what that is, but I'm certain I don't have it. I
- bathe quite
- often."
- ;;
- 75) echo "Buffy: So. You saw their faces, but you can't describe
- them.
- Spike: Well, they were human. Two eyes each, kind of in the middle."
- ;;
-
- 76)echo "Buffy: Besides, it's kind of my job.
- Spike: For now.
- Buffy: What, you want me to stop working?
- Spike: Well, let's see - do I want you to give up killing my friends?
- Yeah, I've given it some thought."
-
- ;;
-
- 77) echo "Wicca girl: We come together, daughters of Gaia, sisters to the
- moon. We walk with the darkness, the wolf at our side. Through the
- waterfall of power, to the blackest heart of eternity. I think we
- should have a bake sale."
-
- ;;
-
- 78) echo "Xander: Dinner is served. And my very own recipe.
- Willow: Ooh, you pushed the button on the microwave that says
- 'popcorn'?
- Xander: Actually, I pushed 'defrost', but Joyce was there in the
- clinch."
- ;;
-
- 79) echo "Harmony: Why have you come to our lonely, small town, which
- has no post office and very few exports?"
-
- ;;
-
- 80) echo "Buffy: You know, you could have brought that up to us
- before we did it.
- Giles: I did! I said there could be dire consequences.
- Buffy: Yes, but you say that about chewing too fast."
-
- ;;
-
- 81) echo "Willow: I don't care if it is an orgy of death, there's
- still such a thing as a napkin."
-
- ;;
-
- 82) echo "Xander: The quick draw is about more than speed. It's also
- about pointing the stake the right way. And there can be splinter
- issues."
-
- ;;
-
- 83) echo "Xander: What do you feel?
- Anya: Upset, afraid of being without you, and a little hungry.
- Xander: I meant about the house.
- Anya: Oh. Still haunted."
-
- ;;
- 84) echo "Willow: On the other hand, maybe Rodney just stepped out
- for a smoke.
- Xander: For twenty-one hours?
- Willow: It's addictive, you know."
- ;;
-
- 85) echo "Xander: And this...is called a snack food.
- Ampata: Snack food?
- Xander: Yeah. It's a delicious, spongy, golden cake stuffed with a
- delightful,
- creamy white substance of goodness.
-
-
- Xander: And the exciting part is that they have no ingredients that a
- human
- can pronounce, so it doesn't leave you with that heavy food feeling in
- your
- stomach."
-
- ;;
-
- 86) echo "Buffy: Ampata wasn't evil. At least, not to begin with.
- And...I do think she cared
- about you.
- Xander: Yeah, but I think that whole sucking the life out of people
- thing
- would've been a strain on the relationship."
-
- ;;
-
- 87) echo "Cordelia: What's her saga?
- Xander: She's freaking.
- Cordelia: About what?
- Xander: The mayor is gonna kill us all during graduation.
- Cordelia: Oh. Are you gonna go to 5th period?"
- ;;
-
- 88) echo "Anya: You know, you can laugh, but I have witnessed a
- millennium of treachery and oppression from the males of the species,
- and I have nothing but contempt for the whole libidinous lot of them.
- Xander: Then why are you talking to me?
- Anya: I don't have a date for the prom."
- ;;
- 89) echo "Willow: According to Freddy's latest editorial, 'The pep
- rally is a place for pseudo-prostitutes to provoke men into a sexual
- frenzy, which, when thwarted, results in pointless athletic
- competition.'
- Xander: And the down-side being?"
- ;;
-
- 90) echo "Willow: The school paper is edging on depressing lately. Have you
- guys noticed that?
- Oz: I don't know. I always go straight to the obits."
- ;;
-
- 91) echo "Jonathon: You think I just want attention?
- Buffy: No, I think you're up here in a clock tower with a
- high-powered rifle because you want to blend in."
- ;;
-
- 92) echo "Buffy: Believe it or not, Jonathan, I understand about the
- pain.
- Jonathon: Oh, right. 'Cause the burden of being beautiful and
- athletic, that's a crippler."
- ;;
-
- 93)echo "Cordelia: Oxford. Whoopee. Four years in teabag central.
- Sounds thrilling. And M.I.T. is a clearasil ad with housing, and Yale
- is a dumping ground for those who didn't get into Harvard.
- Willow: I got into Harvard."
- ;;
-
- 94) echo "Buffy: Looks like a job for wiccan-girl. What do you say,
- Will? Big time danger.
- Willow: Hey, I eat danger for breakfast.
- Xander: But, oddly enough, she panics in the face of breakfast
- foods."
-
- ;;
-
- 95) echo "Mayor Wilkins: She's pretty, Angel. A little skinny. Still
- don't understand why it couldn't work out with you and my Faith. I
- guess you kinda just have strange tastes in women.
- Angel: Yeah, well, what can I say? I like 'em sane."
- ;;
-
-
- 96) echo "Spike: Nasty sort of fellow. Lucky for you blighters I was
- here, eh?
- Giles: Yes. Thank you. Although your heroism is slightly muted by the
- fact that you were helping Adam to start a war that would kill us
- all.
- Xander: You probably just saved us so we wouldn't stake you right
- here.
- Spike: Well, yeah. Did it work?"
- ;;
-
- 97) echo "Cordelia: Hi! You having fun?
- Angel: Sure. This is, uh...
- Cordelia: Your idea of hell.
- Angel: Actually, in hell you tend to know a lot of the people"
- ;;
- 98) echo "Angel: I've been around death before. A lot. I've lost
- people. I've killed people...
- Cordelia: And you are dead."
- ;;
-
- 99) echo "Angel: You've never done this before. Look, it takes
- tremendous strength -- mental strength.
- Wesley: Resistence to suggestion. Yes, I understand that. I like to
- think of myself as possessing a certain...
- Angel: Wesley, you don't even have sales resistance. How many thigh
- masters do you own?
- Wesley: The second one was a free gift with my Buns of Steel."
- ;;
-
- 100)echo "Angel: So, you're back.
- Cordelia: Very good, Mister I-can't-tail-the-suspect-during-the-day-
- because-I'll-burst-into-flames Private Eye."
-
- ;;
-
-
- 101)echo " Buffy: What do you want?
- Angel: The same thing you do.
- Buffy: Okay. What do I want?
- Angel: To kill 'em. To kill 'em all.
- Buffy: Sorry, that's incorrect. But, you do get this watch and a
- year's supply of turtle wax. What I want is to be left alone."
- ;;
- 102)echo "Buffy: Well, that works out great. You won't tell anyone
- that I'm the Slayer, and I won't tell anyone you're a moron."
- ;;
- 103)echo "Dracula: Very impressive hunt. Such power.
- Buffy: That was no hunt. That was just another day on the job.
- Care to step up for some overtime?
- Dracula: We're not going to fight.
- Buffy: Do you know what a Slayer is?
- Dracula: Do you?
- Buffy: Who are you?
- Dracula: I apologize. I assumed you knew. I am Dracula.
- Buffy: Get out!"
- ;;
- 104)echo "Cordelia: When did you become Martha Stewart?
- Buffy: First of all, Martha Stewart knows jack about hand-cut
- prosciutto.
- Xander: I don't believe she slays, either.
- Oz: Oh, I hear she can, but she doesn't like to. "
- ;;
- 105)echo "Xander: Hi, for those of you who just tuned in,
- everyone here is a crazy person."
- ;;
- 106)echo "Mayor Wilkins: There's more than one way to skin a cat.
- And I happen to know that factually that's true."
- ;;
- 107)echo "Faith: When I'm fighting, it's like the whole world goes
- away. I only know one thing: that I'm gonna win, and they're gonna
- lose. I like that feeling.
- Buffy: Well sure, beats that 'dead' feeling you get when they win
- and you lose. "
- ;;
- 108)echo "Faith: You can't trust guys.
- Buffy: You can trust some guys. Really, I've read about them."
- ;;
- 109)echo "Angelus: No weapons... no friends... no hope. Take all
- that away and what's left?
- Buffy: Me."
- ;;
- 110)echo "Buffy: Mom, dead people are talking to you. Do the math!"
- ;;
- 111)echo "Buffy: Oh, no... I have to go take an English make-up exam.
- They give you credit just for speaking it, right?"
- ;;
- 112)echo "Anya: I swear, I am just trying to find my necklace.
- Willow: Well, did you try looking inside the sofa in hell?"
- ;;
- 113)echo "Buffy: Do you remember that demon that almost got out the night I
- died?
- Willow: Every nightmare I have that doesn't revolve around academic
- failure or public nudity is about that thing. In fact, once I
- dreamt that it attacked me while I was late for a test and naked."
- ;;
- 114)echo "Buffy: What should we do with the trio over here? Should we burn
- them?
- Willow: I brought marshmallows."
- ;;
- 115)echo "Oz: Sometimes when I'm sitting in class...you know, I'm not
- thinking about class 'cause that would never happen... I think
- about kissing you. And it's like everything stops, it's like,
- freeze frame: Willow kissage."
- ;;
- 116)echo "Spike: Should I really trust you?
- Adam: Scout's honor.
- Spike: You were a Boy Scout?
- Adam: Parts of me."
- ;;
- 117)echo "Harmony: Is Antonio Banderas a vampire?
- Spike:No.
- Harmony: Can I make him one?
- Spike: No. On second thought, yes. Go make him a vampire. Take
- your time. Get Melanie and the kids, too."
- ;;
- 118)echo "Willow: I'm a bloodsucking fiend! Look at my outfit!"
- ;;
- 119)echo "Spike: Where have you been pet?
- Drusilla: I went for a walk. I met an old man. I didn't like him,
- he got stuck in my teeth."
- ;;
- 120)echo "Anya: Listen, I have this little project I'm working on, and I
- heard you were the person to ask if...
- Willow: Yeah, that's me. Reliable dog-geyser-person."
- ;;
- 121)echo "Xander: So, we Bronzin' it tonight?
- Willow: Wednesdays, kinda beat...
- Xander: Well, we could grind our enemies into talcum powder with
- a sledgehammer, but, gosh, we did that last night."
- ;;
- 122)echo "Buffy: Who are you?
- Angel: Let's just say, I'm a friend.
- Buffy: Yeah, maybe I don't want a friend.
- Angel: I didn't say I was yours."
- ;;
- 123)echo "Anya: What a day. Gimme a beer.
- Bartender: (deadpan) ID.
- (Anya glares at him.)
- Bartender: (deadpan) ID.
- Anya: I'm eleven hundred and twenty years old! Just gimme a
- frickin' beer!
- Bartender: (deadpan) ID.
- Anya: (sigh) Gimme a Coke. "
- ;;
- 124)echo "Anya: You know this isn't your world, right? I mean, you know you
- don't belong here.
- Willow: No. This is a dumb world. On my world, there are people
- in chains, and we can ride them like ponies. "
- ;;
- 125)echo "Spike: What, your Mom doesn't know?
- Joyce: Know what?
- Buffy: That I'm, uh...in a band. A rock band...with Spike here.
- Spike: Right. She plays the-the triangle...
- Buffy: Drums.
- Spike: Drums, yeah. She's hell on the old skins, you know.
- Joyce: (to Spike) And what do you do?
- Spike: Well I sing. "
- ;;
- 126)echo "Xander: Calm may work for Locutus of the Borg here, but I'm
- freaked out, and I intend to stay that way. "
- ;;
- 127)echo "Spike: Ahhhh, my head. I think I'm sobering up. It's horrible.
- Ah... God... I wish I was dead. "
- ;;
- 128)echo "Willow: So, how did it go?
- Xander: On a scale from one to ten? It sucked. "
- ;;
- 129)echo "Buffy: Cool! Crossbow! Check out these babies. Goodbye stakes,
- hello flying fatality. "
- ;;
- 130)echo "Spike: What's this? Sittin' around watching the telly while
- there's evil still afoot? It's not very industrious of you. I say
- we go out there and kick a little demon ass! What, can't go
- without your Buffy, is that it? Let's find her! She is the chosen
- one, after all. Come on! Vampires! Grrr! Nasty! Let's annihilate
- them, for justice, and for... the safety of puppies... and
- Christmas, right? Let's fight that evil! Let's kill something!
- Oh, come on! "
- ;;
- 131)echo "Ford: I wanna be like you...A vampire.
- Spike: I've known you for two minutes and I can't stand you. I
- don't really feature you living forever. Can I eat him now love?"
- ;;
- 132)echo "Xander: You're considered somewhat cool.
- Oz: I am?
- Xander: Is it because you always tend to express yourself in
- short, non-commital sentences?
- Oz: Could be. "
- ;;
- 133)echo "Cordelia: Everything has been taken away because Daddy made a
- little mistake on his taxes... for the last twelve years. "
- ;;
- 134)echo "Anya: Men like sports. I'm sure of it.
- Xander: Yes. Men like sports. Men watch the action movie, they
- eat of the beef, and they enjoy to look at the bosoms. A thousand
- years of avenging our wrongs, and that's all you've learned? "
- ;;
- 135)echo "Wesley: The Council's orders are to concentrate on the...
- Buffy: Orders. I don't think I'm going to be taking any more
- orders. Not from you, not from them.
- Wesley: You can't turn your back on the Council.
- Buffy: They're in England. I don't think they can tell which way
- my back is facing. "
- ;;
- 136)echo "Buffy: You read my diary? That is not OK. A diary is like a
- person's most private possession. You don't even know what I was
- writing about. Hunk can mean a lot of things, bad things. And,
- and when I said his eyes were penetrating, I meant bulging.
- Angel: Buffy...
- Buffy: A doesn't even stand for Angel for that matter. It stand
- for Achmed, a charming foreign exchange student. And that whole
- fantasy part has nothing to even do with you, at all...
- Angel: Your mother moved your diary when she came in to
- straighten up. I watched her from the closet. I didn't read it, I
- swear.
- Buffy: Oh. "
- ;;
- 137)echo "Spike: Death is your art. You make it with your hands day after
- day. That final gasp, that look of peace. And part of you is
- desperate to know: What's it like? Where does it lead you? And
- now you see, that's the secret. Not the punch you didn't throw or
- the kicks you didn't land. She really wanted it. Every Slayer has
- a death wish. Even you. "
- ;;
- 138)echo "Xander: I still don't know why we had to come here to look up
- information on a killer snot monster.
- Giles: Because it's a killer snot monster from outer space. ...I
- did not say that. "
- ;;
- 139)echo "Buffy: You sound like Mr. Initiative! 'Demons bad,
- people good.'
- Riley: Something wrong with that theorem? "
- ;;
- 140)echo "Buffy: I'm gonna give you all a nice, fun, normal evening if I
- have to kill every person on the face of the Earth to do it. "
- ;;
- 141)echo "Xander: I'm not worried. If there's something bad out there,
- we'll find, you'll slay, we'll party. "
- ;;
- 142)echo "Xander: So, do we have to speak Spanish when we see him?' Cause
- I don't know anything much besides 'Doritos' and 'chihuahua.'"
- ;;
- 143)echo "Angelus: I wanna torture you. I used to love it, and it's been
- such a long time. I mean, the last time I tortured someone, they
- didn't even *have* chainsaws. "
- ;;
- 144)echo "Spike: Do I have anyone on watch here? It's called security,
- people. Are you all asleep? Or did we finally find a restaurant
- that delivers?
- Ford: I know who you are.
- Spike: Yeah, I know who I am too, so what? "
- ;;
- 145)echo "Buffy: I can't believe you got into Oxford!
- Willow: It's pretty exciting.
- Oz: That's some deep academia there.
- Buffy: That's where they make Gileses!
- Willow: I know! I can learn, and have scones! "
- ;;
- 146)echo "Anya: I have witnessed a millennium of treachery and oppression
- from the males of the species, and I have nothing but contempt
- for the whole libidinous lot of them.
- Xander: Then why are you talking to me?
- Anya: I don't have a date for the prom.
- Xander: Well, gosh, I wonder why not? It couldn't possibly have
- anything to do with your sales pitch.
- Anya: Men are evil. Will you go with me? "
- ;;
- 147)echo "Angelus: You know, I never properly thanked you for sending me to
- Hell.
- Buffy: No...
- Angelus: I'm wondering, where do I start? A card, fruit basket,
- hmm? Evisceration? "
- ;;
- 148)echo "Xander:The mayor is gonna kill us all during graduation.
- Cordelia: Oh. Are you gonna go to fifth period?
- Xander: I'm thinking I might skip it.
- Cordelia: Yeah. Me too. "
- ;;
- 149)echo "Mayor Wilkins: I have two words that are going to make all your
- troubles go away. 'Miniature Golf.'"
- ;;
- 150)echo "Buffy: Okay, that was too close for comfort. Not that slaying is
- ever comfy, but... you know what I mean. "
- ;;
- 151)echo "Buffy: The world is what it is---we fight, we die. Wishing
- doesn't change that.
- Giles: I have to believe in a better world.
- Buffy: Go ahead. I have to live in this one. "
- ;;
- 152)echo "Buffy: Your logic does not resemble our Earth logic.
- Xander: Mine's much more advanced."
- ;;
- 153)echo "Harmony: How are you gonna kill her? Think! The second you even
- point that thing at her, you're gonna be all 'Aaagh!' (holding
- her hand to her head in imitation of Spike), and then you'll get
- bitch-slapped up and down Main Street, unless she's finally had
- enough and just stakes you!
- Spike: Sure, it'll hurt like hell for about two hours. But she'll
- be dead just a little longer than that. "
- ;;
- 154)echo "Xander: I can not stress enough how much I don't have plans. "
- ;;
- 155)echo "Xander: Nice. Look who's got a bad case of Dark Prince envy.
- Dracula: I have no interest in you. Leave us.
- Xander: No, we're not going to (imitates Dracula's accent) leave
- you. And where'd you get that accent Sesame Street? One, two,
- three - three victims. Mwah, ha, ha, ha!
- Buffy: Xander, I'm pretty sure that's Dracula.
- Xander: Wow, really? Hey, sorry, man, I was... just jokin' around. "
- ;;
- 156)echo "Buffy: We have a marching jazz band?
- Oz: Yeah, but, you know, since the best jazz is improvisational,
- we'd be going off in all directions, banging into floats... scary.
- Willow: He's just being Oz.
- Oz: Pretty much full time. "
- ;;
- 157)echo "Willow: I knew it! I knew it! Well, not in the sense of having
- the slightest idea, but I knew there was something I didn't know."
- ;;
- 158)echo "Xander: Isn't that what they called The Slayer?
- Willow: Buffy, ohh scary.
- Xander: Someone has to talk to her people. That name is striking
- fear in nobody's hearts. "
- ;;
- 159)echo "Angel: The Master arose. He let me live... to punish me. I kept
- hoping you'd come. My destiny...
- Buffy: Is this a get-in-my-pants thing? You guys in Sunnydale
- talk like I'm the second coming. "
- ;;
- 160)echo "Anyanka: You trusting fool. How do you know the other world is
- any better than this?
- Giles: Because it has to be. "
- ;;
- 161)echo "Buffy: I don't play well with others. "
- ;;
- 162)echo "Giles: Since Angel lost his soul, he's regained his sense of
- whimsy. "
- ;;
- 163)echo "Xander: Are you ready to get down, you funky party weasel? "
- ;;
- 164)echo "Xander: Dorkhead? You lash me with your words! "
- ;;
- 165)echo "Buffy: Do---do you think I chose to be like this? Do you have any
- idea how lonely it is, how dangerous? I would love to be upstairs
- watching TV or gossiping about boys or... God, even studying! But
- I have to save the world. Again. "
- ;;
- 166)echo "Xander: So, Buffy, how'd the slaying go last night?
- Buffy: Xander!
- Xander: I mean, how'd the laying go? No, I don't mean that either."
- ;;
- 167)echo "Angelus: 'Dear Buffy...' Hmmm. I'm still trying to decide the best
- way to send my regards.
- Spike: Why don't you rip her lungs out? That might make an
- impression.
- Angelus: Lacks... poetry.
- Spike: Doesn't have to. What rhymes with lungs? "
- ;;
- 168)echo "Buffy: I didn't jump to conclusions. I took a small step, and
- conclusions there were. "
- ;;
- 169)echo "Drusilla: Your face is a poem. I can read it.
- Xander: It doesn't say 'spare me' by any chance? "
- ;;
- 170)echo "Buffy: No, but, see, Mom, that doesn't really work for me. We're
- just going to the magic shop, no school supplies there.
- Dawn: Yeah, Mom. I'm not going to Hogwarts. (chuckles) Hog-
- (looks at Buffy, who's not amused) Jeez, crack a book sometime."
- ;;
- 171)echo "Principal Snyder: It's fuzzy-minded liberal thinking like that
- that gets you eaten. "
- ;;
- 172)echo "Buffy: You're like my fairy godmother, and Santa Claus, and Q
- all wrapped up into one. (they look at her) Q from Bond, not
- Star Trek. "
- ;;
- 173)echo "Forrest: This is the burden we bear, brother. We have a gig that
- would inevitably cause any girl living to think we are cool upon
- cool. Yet, we must Clark Kent our way through the dating scene,
- never to use our unfair advantage. Thank God we're pretty. "
- ;;
- 174)echo "Spike: Whatcha doin', love?
- Drusilla: I'm naming the stars.
- Spike: You can't see the stars, love. That's the ceiling. Also
- it's day.
- Drusilla: No, I can see them. But I've named them all the same
- name, and there's terrible confusion. "
- ;;
- 175)echo "Buffy: I wish we could be regular kids.
- Angel: I'll never be a kid.
- Buffy: Okay then, a regular kid and her cradle-robbing
- creature-of-the-night boyfriend. "
- ;;
- 176)echo "Anya: I know what broke up him and Cordelia, you know. It was you!
- And your lips!
- Willow: No, it was not! Well, yes it was so, but... that was a
- long time ago, do you think I'd do that again?
- Anya: Why not?
- Willow: Hello? Gay now! "
- ;;
- 177)echo "Oz: So, do you steal weapons from the Army often?
- Willow: Well, we don't get cable, so we have to make our own fun."
- ;;
- 178)echo "Spike: So when do we destroy the world, already? "
- ;;
- 179)echo "Xander: It's time for me to act like a man... and hide. "
- ;;
- 180)echo "Xander: Yep, vampires are real. A lot of 'em live in Sunnydale.
- Willow'll fill you in.
- Willow: I know it's hard to accept at first.
- Oz: Actually, it explains a lot. "
- ;;
- 181)echo "Principal Snyder: There are some things I can just smell. It's
- like a sixth sense.
- Giles: No, actually, that would be one of the five."
- ;;
- 182)echo "Buffy: Vampires are creeps.
- Giles: Yes. That's why one slays them. "
- ;;
- 183)echo "Xander: I don't like vampires. I'm going to take a stand and say
- they're not good. "
- ;;
- 184)echo "Willow: Xander, wanna stay and help me?
- Xander: Are you kidding?
- Willow: Yes, it was a joke I made up. "
- ;;
- 185)echo "Buffy: Have I ever let you down?
- Giles: Do you want me to answer that, or shall I just glare? "
- ;;
- 186)echo "Buffy: I lost a friend tonight and I may lose more! The whole
- world may be sucked into hell, and you want my help 'cause your
- girlfriend's a big ho?! Let me take this opportunity to NOT care! "
- ;;
- 187)echo "Cordelia: I guess you should know since you helped raise that
- demon that killed that guy that time.
- Giles: Yes, do bring that up as often as possible. "
- ;;
- 188)echo "Xander: Yeah, I'm gonna have to go with dead boy on this one.
- Angel: Could you not call me that? "
- ;;
- 189)echo "Buffy: We saved the world. I say we have to party. "
- ;;
- 190)echo "Buffy: Ahh, it's okay. Gave Cord and I chance to spend some
- quality death time.
- Cordelia: And we got these free corsages. "
- ;;
- 191)echo "Buffy: Are you crazy? You just don't sneak up on people in a
- graveyard. You make noise when you walk, you stomp, or... yodel."
- ;;
- 192)echo "Buffy: Cordelia, your mouth is open, sound is coming from it,
- this is never good. "
- ;;
- 193)echo "Buffy: Hey, I know! Why don't you kill them?
- Giles: I'm a Watcher, I haven't the skill.
- Buffy: Oh, come on. A stake through the heart, a little sunlight.
- It's like falling off a log. "
- ;;
- 194)echo "Buffy: I didn't say that I'd never slay another vampire. It's not
- like I have all these fluffy bunny feelings for them, I'm just
- not gonna get way extracurricular with it. "
- ;;
- 195)echo "Buffy: I gotta stop him before he unleashes unholy havoc and
- it's just another Tuesday night in Sunnydale. "
- ;;
- 196)echo "Buffy: I'm sorry, it's just been a really weird day.
- Xander: Yeah, Buffy died and everything.
- Willow: Wow, harsh. "
- ;;
- 197)echo "Buffy: Mom, the only way you get a new slayer is if the old
- slayer dies.
- Joyce: Then that means you... When did you die? You never told me
- you died.
- Buffy: It was just for a few minutes. "
- ;;
- 198)echo "Buffy: Now, we can do this the hard way or... well, actually,
- there's just the hard way.
- Darla: That's fine with me.
- Buffy: Are you sure? Now this is not gonna be pretty. We're
- talking violence, strong language, adult content. "
- ;;
- 199)echo "Buffy: People to see, demons to kill.
- ";;
- 200)echo "Buffy: See, this is a school. And we have students and they check
- out books and then they learn things.
- Giles: I was beginning to suspect that was a myth.
- ";;
- 201)echo "Buffy: You know, I just woke up and I looked in the mirror and
- thought, 'Hey, what's with all the sin.' I need to change. I'm
- dirty, I'm bad with the sex, and the envy, and the loud music us
- kids listen to nowadays. Oh, I just suck at undercover.
- ";;
- 202)echo "Buffy: You're a vampire. Oh, I'm sorry. Was that an offensive
- term? Should I say undead American?
- ";;
- 203)echo "Cordelia: I do what I want to do. And I wear what I want to wear.
- And you know what, I'll date whoever the hell I want to date...
- no matter how lame he is.
- ";;
- 204)echo "Drusilla: How do you feel about eternal life?
- Xander: We couldn't just start with coffee?
- ";;
- 205)echo "Giles: Alright. I'll just jump into my time machine, go back to
- the 12th century and ask the vampires to postpone their ancient
- prophecy for a few days while you take in dinner and a show.
- Buffy: Okay, at this point you're abusing sarcasm.
- ";;
- 206)echo "Giles: I suspect your mother would want to... put it on the
- refrigerator.
- Buffy: Yeah. She saw these scores and her head spun around and
- exploded.
- Giles: I've been on the Hellmouth too long, that was metaphorical,
- yes?
- Buffy: Yes.
- ";;
- 207)echo "Joyce: Something's gonna eat those babies?
- Principal Snyder: I think that is so wrong.
- ";;
- 208)echo "Joyce: You belong in a good old fashioned college with keg
- parties and boys. Not here with Hellmouths and vampires.
- Buffy: Not really seeing the distinction.
- ";;
- 209)echo "The Master: You were destined to die, it was written.
- Buffy: What can I say? I flunked the written.
- ";;
- 210)echo "Oz: It's Willow, she's nearby.
- Cordelia: What? You can smell her? She doesn't even wear perfume.
- Oz: She's afraid.
- Cordelia: Oh my God, is this some sort of residual werewolf
- thing? This is very disturbing.
- Oz: I really agree.
- ";;
- 211)echo "Oz: Looks dead, smells dead, yet it's moving around. That's
- interesting.
- ";;
- 212)echo "Principal Snyder: There are things I will not tolerate: students
- loitering on campus after school, horrible murders with hearts
- being removed. And also smoking.
- ";;
- 213)echo "Spike: You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in
- love 'til it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and
- you'll hate each other 'til it makes you quiver, but you'll never
- be friends. Real love isn't brains, children. It's blood. It's
- blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love's
- bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it.
- ";;
- 214)echo "Willow: You just don't like him 'cause of that time he beat you
- up every day for five years.
- Xander: Yeah, I'm irrational that way.
- ";;
- 215)echo "Xander: And they say that young people don't learn
- anything in high school nowadays, but I've learned to be afraid.
- ";;
- 216)echo "Xander: Generally speaking, when scary things get scared, not
- good.
- ";;
- 217)echo "Xander: How could you let her go?
- Giles: As the soon-to-be-purple area on my jaw will attest,
- I did not 'let' her go.
- ";;
- 218)echo "Xander: I wish dating was like slaying. You know, simple, direct,
- stake through the heart, no muss, no fuss.
- ";;
- 219)echo "Xander: The band, yeah. They're great. They march.
- Willow: Like an army. Except with music, instead of bullets, and
- usually no one dies.
- ";;
- 220)echo "Xander: Well, I guess that makes it official. Everybody's paired
- off. Vampires get dates. Hell, even the school librarian sees
- more action than me.
- ";;
- 221)echo "Buffy: I told one lie... I had one drink...
- Giles: Yes. And you were very nearly devoured by a giant demon
- snake. The words, 'Let that be a lesson' are a tad redundant at
- this juncture.
- ";;
- 222)echo "Angel: I knew this was gonna happen.
- Buffy: What? What do you think is happening?
- Angel: You're 16 years old, I'm 241.
- Buffy: I've done the math.
- Angel: You don't know what you're doing. You don't know what you
- want.
- Buffy: Oh, no. I think I do. I want out of this conversation.
- ";;
- 223)echo "Giles: Might I have a word?
- Buffy: Have a sentence even.
- ";;
- 224)echo "Spike: I did a couple of slayers in my time. I don't like to
- brag. Who am I kidding? I love to brag. One time, during the
- Boxer Rebellion...
- ";;
- 225)echo "Spike: If every vampire who said he was at the Crucifixion was
- actually there it would've been like Woodstock. I was at
- Woodstock. I fed off a flower person and I spent six hours
- watching my hand move.
- ";;
- 226)echo "Xander: I don't get your crazy system!
- Giles: It's called the alphabet.
- Xander: Would ya look at that.
- ";;
- 227)echo "Buffy: When Giles sends me on a mission, he says 'please.' And
- afterwards I get a cookie.
- ";;
- 228)echo "Jenny: You're here again? You kids really dig the library don't
- you?
- Buffy: We're literary.
- Xander: To read makes our speaking English good.
- ";;
- 229)echo "Buffy: Does it ever get easy?
- Giles: You mean life?
- Buffy: Yeah, does it ever get easy?
- Giles: What do you want me to say?
- Buffy: Lie to me.
- Giles: Yes. It's terribly simple. The good guys are always s
- talwart and true. The bad guys are easily distinguished by their
- pointy horns or black hats, and we always defeat them and save
- the day. No one ever dies... and everyone lives happily ever
- after.
- Buffy: Liar.
- ";;
- 230)echo "Xander: Well, yeah. I'd give anything to be able to turn
- invisible. I wouldn't use my powers to beat people up, but use
- my powers to protect the girl's locker room.
- ";;
- 231)echo "Buffy: You know, for someone who teaches human behavior, you
- might try showing some.
- Professor Walsh:It's not my job to coddle my students.
- Buffy: You're right. A human being in pain has nothing to do with
- your job. (leaves)
- Professor Walsh: I like her.
- Riley: Really? You don't think she's a little peculiar?
- ";;
- 232)echo "Buffy: I told you. I said end of the world. And you're like,
- 'Pooh-pooh, Southern California, pooh-pooh.'
- Giles: I'm so very sorry. My contrition completely dwarfs the
- impending apocalypse.
- ";;
- 233)echo "Riley: I thought maybe we could have a little spread. Sandwiches,
- maybe some ants. Could be fun.
- Buffy: We were talking about a picnic?
- Riley: Oh... so, was that a conversation I actually had or one I
- was just practicing?
- ";;
- 234)echo "Buffy: Oh, look at my poor neck... all bare and tender and
- exposed. All that blood, just pumping away.
- Giles: Oh, please.
- Spike: Giles, make her stop!
- Giles: If those two don't kill each other, I might lend a hand.
- ";;
- 235)echo "Xander: Jeez. You mean Oz just sent for his stuff and didn't even
- call her? That's pretty harsh.
- Anya: I only wish I had my powers back. I'd liquefy his entrails
- for her.
- Xander: That's sweet.
- ";;
- 236)echo "Xander: What's going on here? People are going all Felicity with
- their hair.
- ";;
- 237)echo "Giles: But this is why I think we should all keep a level head in
- this.
- Willow: And I happen to think mine is the level head and yours is
- the one things would roll off of.
- ";;
- 238)echo "Buffy: Cool. You guys can do the brain thing. I'm gonna go to
- class.
- Oz: Which could also be construed as the brain thing.
- ";;
- 239)echo "Willow: I just talked to Buffy, and yeah, I think she's feeling a
- little... insane. No, not bitchy crazy, more like homicidal
- maniac crazy. So I told her to come see you, 'kay?
- ";;
- 240)echo "
- Principal Snyder: A lot of educators tell students, 'Think of
- your principal as your pal' I say, 'Think of me as your judge,
- jury, and executioner."
- ;;
- 241)echo "Giles: I need you to take Spike for a few days.
- Xander: What?
- Spike: What?
- Anya: What?
- Spike: I'm not stayin' with him.
- Giles: I have a friend who's coming to town, and I'd like us to
- be alone.
- Anya: Oh, you mean an orgasm friend?
- Giles: Yes, that's exactly the most appalling thing you could
- have said.
- ";;
- 242)echo "Spike: We're out of Wheat-a-Bix.
- Giles: We are out of Wheat-a-Bix because you ate it all. Again.
- Spike: Get some more.
- Giles: I thought vampires were supposed to eat blood.
- Spike: Yeah, well, sometimes I like to crumble up the Wheat-a-Bix
- in the blood. Gives it a little texture.
- Giles: Since the picture you just painted means that I will never
- touch food of any kind again, you'll just have to pick it up
- yourself.
- Spike: Sissy.
- ";;
- 243)echo "Adam: You failed me.
- Spike: Let's not quibble about who failed who.
- ";;
- 244)echo "Angel: Buffy, careful with this gift. Lots of things that seem
- strong and good and powerful, they can be painful.
- Buffy: Like, say, immortality?
- Angel: Exactly. I'm dying to get rid of that.
- Buffy: Funny.
- Angel: I'm a funny guy.
- ";;
- 245)echo "Angel: This isn't some fairy tale. When I kiss you... you don't
- wake up from a deep sleep and live happily ever after.
- Buffy: No... when you kiss me, I wanna die.
- ";;
- 246)echo "(After finding Spike outside her house.)
- Buffy: What are you doing here, Spike? Five words or less!
- Spike: (counting on fingers) Out... for... a... walk... bitch.
- ";;
- 247)echo "Oz: We survived.
- Buffy: Yeah, it was some battle.
- Oz: I meant high school.
- ";;
- 248)echo "Xander: Cavalry's here! Cavalry's a scared guy with a club, but
- it's here!
- ";;
- 249)echo "Willow: Oz is a werewolf.
- Buffy: It's a long story.
- Oz: Got bit.
- Buffy: But obviously not that long.
- ";;
- 250)echo "(In response to being asked to fight a troll)
- Spike: I would, but I'm paralyzed with not caring very much.
- ";;
- 251)echo "Buffy: Every time you show up like this, you risk all your parts,
- you know that?
- Spike: I wouldn't be here if I didn't have a good reason. As
- usual, I'm here to help you and I... are you naked under there?
- Buffy: Get out.
- Spike: No, I'm serious. I mean, not about the naked part...
- ";;
- 252)echo "Cordelia: You're really campaigning for bitch of the year, aren't
- you?
- Buffy: As defending champion, you nervous?
- Cordelia: I can hold my own.
- ";;
- 253)echo "Xander: We're right behind you, only further back.
- ";;
- 254)echo "Riley: When I'm around you Buffy I find myself needing to know
- the plural of apocalypse.
- ";;
- 255)echo "Whistler: Bottom line is, even if you see them coming, you're not
- ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change,
- not really. But it does. So, what are we, helpless? Puppets? Nah.
- The big moments are gonna come, you can't help that. It's what
- you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you
- are.
- ";;
- 256)echo "Xander: All right, where is he? Where's the creep who turned me
- into a spider-eating man-bitch?
- Buffy: He's gone.
- Xander: Dammit. You know what? I'm sick of this. I'm tired of
- being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As
- of this moment, it's over. I'm through being everybody's
- butt-monkey!
- Buffy: Check. No more butt-monkey.
- ";;
- 257)echo "Angel: I'm weak. I've never been anything else. I wanted to lose
- myself in you. I know it will cost me my soul, and part of me
- didn't care. It's not the demon in me that needs killing, Buffy,
- it's the man.
- ";;
- 258)echo "Buffy: Angel, do you snore?
- Angel: I don't know. It's been a long time since anyone's been in
- a position to let me know.
- ";;
- 259)echo "
- Spike: I'm bad! It's just I can't bite anymore, thanks to you
- wankers... Bye the bye, if you're trying to kill her...
- (gives Riley two thumbs up)
- ";;
- 260)echo "Ford: What happened?
- Spike: We're stuck in a basement.
- Ford: Buffy?
- Spike: She's not stuck in a basement.
- ";;
- 261)echo "Willy: What are you gonna' do with him, anyway?
- Spike: I'm thinkin' maybe dinner and a movie. I don't want to
- rush into anything. I've been hurt, you know.
- ";;
- 262)echo "Spike: A slayer with family and friends. That sure as hell wasn't
- in the brochure.
- ";;
- 263)echo "Spike: Oh, sod the spell. Your friends are in the factory. I'm
- really glad I came here, you know? I've been all wrongheaded
- about this. weepin', crawlin', blamin' everybody else. I want
- Dru back. I've just gotta be the man I was, The man She loved.
- I'm going to do what I should have done in the first place-- I'll
- find here, wherever she is, tie her up, torture her until she
- likes me again.
- ";;
- 264)echo "Buffy: Do we really need weapons for this?
- Spike: I just like them. They make me feel all manly.
- ";;
- 265)echo "Spike: What's Big Blue doing anyway?
- The Judge: I am preparing.
- Spike: It's interesting to me that preparing looks a great bit
- like sitting on your ass.
- ";;
- 266)echo "Spike: We like to talk big... vampires do. 'I'm going to destroy
- the world.' That's just tough-guy talk. Strutting around with
- your friends over a pint of blood. The truth is, I _like_ this
- world. You've got...dog racing, Manchester United. And you've
- got people. Billions of people walking around like Happy Meals
- with legs. It's all right here. But then someone comes along
- with a vision. With a real... passion for destruction. Angel
- could pull it off. Good-bye, Picadilly. Farewell,
- Leicester-bloody-Square.
- ";;
- 267)echo "Xander: This is just too much. I mean, yesterday's my life like,
- uh oh, pop quiz. Today, it's rain of toads.
- ";;
- 268)echo "Giles: (scoffs) Magic! Magic's all balderdash and chicanery. I'm
- afraid we don't know a bloody thing. (everyone looking at him)
- Except I seem to be British, don't I? Uh, and a man. With ...
- glasses. (removes glasses) Well, that narrows it down
- considerably.
- ";;
- 269)echo "Spike: Oh, listen to Mary Poppins. He's got his crust all stiff
- and upper with that nancy-boy accent. (everyone looking at him)
- You Englishmen are always so... (pauses) Bloody hell! (ticks off
- on his fingers) Sodding, blimey, shagging, knickers, bollocks,
- oh God! I'm English!
- Giles: Welcome to the nancy tribe.
- ";;
- 270)echo "Spike:'Made with care for Randy.' (looks at Giles angrily) Randy
- Giles? Why not just call me 'Horny Giles,' or 'Desperate for a
- Shag Giles'? I knew there was a reason I hated you!
- Giles: Randy's ... a family name, undoubtedly.
- ";;
- 271)echo "Riley: Way I heard it. You were all peaceable now. You didn't by
- any chance go and lose that pesky soul again, did you?
- Angel: Don't push me, boy.
- Riley: Now what possibly could've happened with Buffy that would
- make you lose your soul?
- Angel: That'd be between me and her.
- Riley: Where do you think you're going?
- Angel: Going to see an old girlfriend.
- ";;
- 272)echo "Riley: Buffy . . . I feel like we've gotten really close. At
- least I thought we had. I don't know much about Angel or your
- relationship with him . . but . . . all I ask is . . if you're
- gonna break heart, do it fast.
- Buffy: What? You think that Angel and I...
- Riley: Didn't you?
- Buffy: No. Of course not. How can you even ask me that?
- Riley: I don't know. Xander said...
- Buffy: Xander?! Oh, he's the deadest man in Deadonia.
- ";;
- 273)echo "Buffy: Then why with the crazy?
- Riley: Because I'm so in love with you I can't think straight.
- ";;
- 274)echo "Buffy: Okay, well, how long before you un-crypt it?
- Willow: Hours. Days maybe. Anyone suggesting months would not
- be accused of crazy talk.
- ";;
- 275)echo "Giles: What ever happened to Latin? At least when that made no
- sense, the church approved.
- ";;
- 276)echo "Giles: You never train with me anymore. He's gonna kick your ass."
- ;;
- 277)echo "Xander: Oh. Okay. You and Willow go do the superpower thing, I'll
- stay behind and putt around the Batcave with crusty old Alfred
- here.
- Giles: Ah-ah, no. I am no Alfred, sir. No, you forget. Alfred had
- a job.
- ";;
- 278)echo "Buffy: I didn't say you were stupid! So... stop being an idiot
- and let me fix this!
- ";;
-
- 280)echo "Xander: Okay, this is starting to grate my cheese. These
- woods aren't that big. Now, I know we've beein going straight because
- I've been following the North Star.
- Willow: Xander, that's not the North Star. It's an airplane.
- Xander: No, that's not an airplane. That's definitely...a blimp. But I
- can see how one would make that airplane mistake."
- ;;
-
-
- *)echo "No quotes here"
- ;;
-
- esac
-
-
|