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  1. #!/bin/bash
  2. clear
  3. case $((RANDOM%280+1)) in
  4. 1)echo "Xander: I don't like vampires. I'm going to take a stand and say
  5. they're not good." ;;
  6. 2)echo "Willow: Why couldn't he be possessed by a puppy, or some
  7. ducks?"
  8. ;;
  9. 3)echo "Buffy: It's weird, though. In this way, I feel like he's still
  10. watching me.
  11. Willow: Well, in a way he sort of is...in the way of that he's right
  12. over there."
  13. ;;
  14. 4)echo "Buffy: Could I be seeing Billy's asteroid body?
  15. Giles: Astral body, and I don't know."
  16. ;;
  17. 5)echo "Cordelia: You're just a souless bloodsucking demon. They're
  18. LAWYERS"
  19. ;;
  20. 6)echo "Xander: I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it
  21. goes away"
  22. ;;
  23. 7)echo "Xander: Oh, hey, do you want to come to our place for
  24. dinner? Mom's making her famous phone call to the Chinese place.
  25. Willow: Xander, do you guys even have a stove?"
  26. ;;
  27. 8)echo "Buffy: I can't put it off any longer. I have to meet my
  28. terrible fate.
  29. Giles: What?
  30. Buffy: Biology."
  31. ;;
  32. 9)echo "Miss Calendar: Okay, so this Master guy tried to open the
  33. Hellmouth, but he got stuck in it. And now, all the signs are reading
  34. that he's going to get out, which opens the Hellmouth, which brings
  35. the demons which ends the world.
  36. Giles: Yes. That about sums it up, yes.
  37. Miss Calendar: The part that gets me, though, is where Buffy is the
  38. Vampire Slayer. She's so little."
  39. ;;
  40. 10)echo "Xander: You were looking at my neck.
  41. Angel: What?
  42. Xander: You were checking out my neck, I saw that.
  43. Angel: No, I wasn't.
  44. Xander: Just keep your distance, pal.
  45. Angel: I wasn't looking at your neck.
  46. Xander: I told you to eat before we left."
  47. ;;
  48. 11)echo "Spike (watching, from a distance, a conversation between
  49. Angel and a woman he just rescued):How can I thank you, you
  50. mysterious black-clad-hunk-of-a-knight-thing?
  51. No need little lady. Your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You
  52. see, I was once a bad-ass vampire. But love, and a pesky curse,
  53. defanged me. And now, I'm just a *big* fluffy puppy with bad teeth.
  54. No! Not the hair! Never the hair.
  55. But there must be some way I can show my appreciation.
  56. No, helping those in need's my job. And working up a load of sexual
  57. tension and prancing away like a magnificent poof is truly thanks
  58. enough.
  59. I understand. I have a nephew who's gay, so...
  60. Say no more. Evil's still afoot. And I'm almost out of that Nancy-boy
  61. hair gel I like so much. Quickly! To the Angel-mobile! Away!"
  62. ;;
  63. 12)echo "Angel: Oz.
  64. Oz: Angel.
  65. Angel: Nice surprise.
  66. Oz: Thanks.
  67. Angel: Staying long?
  68. Oz: Few days.
  69. Doyle: They always like this?
  70. Oz: No, we're usually laconic."
  71. ;;
  72. 13) echo "Buffy: Okay, so I battle evil. But I don't really win. The
  73. bad keeps coming back and getting stronger. I'm like that kid in the
  74. story, the boy that stuck his finger in the duck.
  75. Angel: Dike. (Buffy looks at him) It's another word for dam.
  76. Buffy: Oh. Okay,that story makes a lot more sense now."
  77. ;;
  78. 14) echo "Cordelia: I came over here to tell Buffy to stop this
  79. craziness, and
  80. found you all unconscious--again. How many times have you been
  81. knocked out, anyway? I swear, one of these times, you're going
  82. to wake up in a coma.
  83. Giles: Wake up in a...? Oh, never mind. We need to save Buffy from
  84. Hansel and Gretel.
  85. Cordelia: Now, let's be clear. The brain damage happened before I hit
  86. you."
  87. ;;
  88. 15) echo "Willow: Diana, Hecate, I hereby license thee to depart.
  89. Goddess of creatures great and small, I conjure thee to withdraw
  90. Amy: (squeak)
  91. Buffy: Maybe we should get her one of those wheel thingies."
  92. ;;
  93. 16)echo "Buffy: I don't wanna' bug Giles. He's still kinda' twitchy
  94. when it comes to the subject of Angel.
  95. Xander: Oh, it must be that whole 'Angel killed his girlfriend and
  96. tortured him' thing, and Giles is petty when it comes to stuff like
  97. that."
  98. ;;
  99. 17) echo "Buffy: I'm a great cook... in theory. I've
  100. eaten a lot"
  101. ;;
  102. 18) echo "Spike: Willow, tell 'em what I did.
  103. Willow: You said you were gonna kill me, then Buffy.
  104. Spike: Yes, bad, but let's skip that part and get to
  105. the part where I couldn't bite you."
  106. ;;
  107. 19) echo "Spike: You won. Alright? You came in and you killed them,
  108. and you took their land. That's what conquering nations do. It's
  109. what Caeser did, and he's not going around saying I came, I conquered,
  110. I felt really bad about it."
  111. ;;
  112. 20) echo "Anya: This isn't a relationship. You don't need me. All
  113. you care about is lots of orgasms.
  114. Xander: Okay, remember how we talked about private conversations?
  115. How they're less private when they're in front of my friends?
  116. Spike: Oh we're not your friends. Go on.
  117. Giles: Please don't"
  118. ;;
  119. 21) echo "Maggie Walsh: We use the latest in scientific technology
  120. and state-of-the-art weaponry, and you, if I understand correctly,
  121. poke them with a sharp stick."
  122. ;;
  123. 22) echo "
  124. Joyce: But maybe, we could spend some time together soon? Some night
  125. when I'm not being held hostage by a raving psychotic."
  126. ;;
  127. 23) echo "Xander: Just because you're better than us doesn't mean you
  128. can be all superior."
  129. ;;
  130. 24) echo "Willow: Nervous?
  131. Xander: No way. I'm full of that good old kamikazee spirit.
  132. Giles: Xander, just because this is never going to work, there's no
  133. need to be negative."
  134. ;;
  135. 25) echo "
  136. Colonel: Every inch of this installation is under constant, 24-hour
  137. surveillance.
  138. Willow: Including the secret lab?
  139. Colonel: Everything! (pause) What secret lab?"
  140. ;;
  141. 26)echo "
  142. Giles: This one?
  143. Buffy: Amethyst.
  144. Giles: Used for?
  145. Buffy: Breath mints?
  146. Giles: Charm bags, money spells and for cleansing one's aura.
  147. Buffy: Okay, so how do you know if one's aura's dirty? Somebody
  148. comes by with a finger and writes 'wash me' on it?"
  149. ;;
  150. 27) echo "
  151. Angel: It was a bright afternoon out in front of your school. You
  152. walked down the steps. And I loved you.
  153. Buffy: Why?
  154. Angel: 'Cause I could see your heart. You held it before you for
  155. everyone to see. And I worried that it would be bruised or torn. And
  156. more than anything in my life I wanted to keep it safe, to warm it
  157. with my own.
  158. Buffy: That's beautiful. Or taken literally, incredibly gross.
  159. Angel: I was just thinking that, too."
  160. ;;
  161. 28)echo "
  162. Cordelia: What's going on? Oh god, is the world ending? I have to
  163. research a paper on Bosnia for tomorrow, but if the world's ending,
  164. I'm not gonna bother."
  165. ;;
  166. 29)echo "
  167. Cordelia: If the world doesn't end, I'm gonna need a note."
  168. ;;
  169. 30)echo "Buffy: You're missing the whole point of Halloween.
  170. Willow: Free candy?!"
  171. ;;
  172. 31)echo "Willow: You're thinking too much. Maybe you need to be
  173. impulsive.
  174. Buffy: Impulsive? Do you remember my ex-boyfriend? The vampire? I
  175. slept
  176. with him, he lost his soul, and now my boyfriend's gone forever and
  177. the demon
  178. that wears his face is killing my friends. The next impulsive decision
  179. I make will
  180. be my choice of dentures.
  181. Willow: Okay. The Angel thing went badly. I'm on board with that."
  182. ;;
  183. 32) echo "Willow: The only solution is the final solution.
  184. Xander: Nuke the school? I like that.
  185. Willow: Not quite. Exorcism.
  186. Cordelia: Are you crazy? I saw that movie. Even the priest died."
  187. ;;
  188. 33) echo "Willow: Everything seems normal. Not a snake, not a wasp.
  189. Cordelia: Yup. School can open tomorrow.
  190. Xander: Explain to me again how that's a good thing?
  191. Cordelia: I'm drawing a blank."
  192. ;;
  193. 34) echo "Giles: Nothing left but skin and cartilage.
  194. Xander: In other words, this was no boating accident."
  195. ;;
  196. 35) echo "Buffy: So, something ripped him open and ate out his
  197. insides.
  198. Willow: Like an Oreo cookie. Well, except for, you know, without the
  199. chocolatey cookie goodness."
  200. ;;
  201. 36) echo "Spike: It's a big rock. Can't wait to tell my friends. They
  202. don't have a rock this
  203. big."
  204. ;;
  205. 37) echo "Angel: Acathla turned to stone, as demons sometimes do, and
  206. was buried
  207. where neither man nor demon would want to look...unless, of course,
  208. they're
  209. putting up low-rent housing."
  210. ;;
  211. 38) echo "Kendra: I call it Mr. Pointy.
  212. Buffy: You named your stake?
  213. Kendra: Yes.
  214. Buffy: Remind me to get you a stuffed animal."
  215. ;;
  216. 39) echo "Buffy: What do you want?
  217. Spike: I told you. I want to stop Angel. I want to save the world.
  218. Buffy: Okay, you do remember that you're a vampire, right?
  219. Spike: We like to talk big... vampires do. I'm going to destroy the
  220. world.
  221. That's just tough-guy talk. Strutting around with your friends over a
  222. pint of
  223. blood. The truth is, I _like_ this world. You've got...dog racing,
  224. Manchester
  225. United. And you've got people. Billions of people walking around like
  226. Happy
  227. Meals with legs. It's all right here. But then someone comes along
  228. with a vision.
  229. With a real... passion for destruction. Angel could pull it off.
  230. Good-bye, Picadilly.
  231. Farewell, Leicester-bloody-Square."
  232. ;;
  233. 40)echo "Joyce: Have we met?
  234. Spike: You hit me with an ax one time. Remember? Uh, 'Get the hell
  235. away from
  236. my daughter!'
  237. Joyce: Oh. So, do you, uh, live here in town?"
  238. ;;
  239. 41) echo "Giles: It's a trick. They get inside my head, make me see
  240. things I want.
  241. Xander: Then why would they make you see me?
  242. Giles: You're right. Let's go."
  243. ;;
  244. 42)echo "Giles: In order...to be worthy...you must perform the
  245. ritual...in a tutu. Pillock!
  246. Angel: All right, someone get the chain saw."
  247. ;;
  248. 43)echo "Willow: Maybe we shouldn't be too couply around Buffy.
  249. Cordelia: Oh, you mean 'cause of how the only guy that ever liked her
  250. turned
  251. into a vicious killer and had to be put down like a dog?
  252. Xander: Can she cram complex issues into a nutshell or what?"
  253. ;;
  254. 44) echo "Faith: Isn't it crazy how slayin' just always makes you
  255. hungry and horny?
  256. Buffy: Well... sometimes I crave a nonfat yogurt afterwards."
  257. ;;
  258. 45) echo "Willow: Oz is a werewolf.
  259. Buffy: It's a long story.
  260. Oz: I got bit.
  261. Buffy: Apparently not that long.
  262. Faith: Hey, as long as you don't go scratchin' at me or humpin' my
  263. leg, we're
  264. five-by-five, ya' know?
  265. Oz: Fair enough."
  266. ;;
  267. 46) echo "Cordelia: What is stalking nowadays, like, the third most
  268. popular sport among men?
  269. Angel: Fourth, after luge"
  270. ;;
  271. 47) echo "Angel: It's complicated how this all happened, Buffy, you
  272. know. It's kind of a long story.
  273. Buffy: Your new sidekick had a vision, I was in it, you came to
  274. Sunnydale?
  275. Angel: Okay, maybe not that long."
  276. ;;
  277. 48) echo "Cordelia: Oh my god! She killed him! (touches dust) Oops. My
  278. bad. It's just dust. I forgot to clean under the rug.
  279. Doyle: What are you trying to give me a heart attack?
  280. Cordelia: Hey, don't blame me if he's too cheap to hire a cleaning
  281. lady."
  282. ;;
  283. 49) echo "Angel: She murdered a man right in front of me, and I can't
  284. even testify to that fact in a court of law.
  285. Cordelia: Well, maybe in night court you could..."
  286. ;;
  287. 50) echo "Cordelia: Do you know what he's going to do to me when he
  288. finds out I let his car get stolen? I mean, what are the chances that
  289. a vampire has full insurance with a low deductible?"
  290. ;;
  291. 51) echo "Anya: For a thousand years I wielded the powers of the
  292. Wish. I brought ruin to the heads of unfaithful men. I brought forth
  293. destruction and chaos for the pleasure of the lower beings. I was
  294. feared and worshipped across the mortal globe. And now I'm stuck at
  295. Sunnydale High. Mortal. Child. And I'm flunking Math."
  296. ;;
  297. 52) echo "Willow: Old reliable? Yeah, great. There's a sexy
  298. nickname.
  299. Buffy: Well, I didn't mean it as...
  300. Willow: No, it's fine, I'm Old Reliable.
  301. Xander: She just means, you know, the geyser. You're like a
  302. geyser of fun that goes off at regular intervals.
  303. Willow: That's Old Faithful.
  304. Xander: Isn't that the dog that the guy had to shoot...?
  305. Willow: That's Old Yeller.
  306. Buffy: Xander, I beg you not to help me."
  307. ;;
  308. 53) echo "Buffy: Will, wait. I'm really sorry.
  309. Willow: Buff, I'm storming off. It doesn't really work if you come
  310. with me."
  311. ;;
  312. 54) echo "Buffy: Willow, you're alive.
  313. Willow: Aren't I usually?"
  314. ;;
  315. 55) echo "
  316. Buffy: It was exactly you, Will. Every detail. Except for your not
  317. being a dominatrix... as far as we know.
  318. Willow: Oh, right, me and Oz play Mistress of Pain every night.
  319. Xander: Did anyone else just go to a scary visual place?
  320. Buffy: Oh, yeah.
  321. Giles: (raises glasses)"
  322. ;;
  323. 56) echo "
  324. Willow: It's horrible. That's me as a vampire? I'm so evil, and
  325. skanky. And I think I'm kind of gay.
  326. Buffy: Willow, just remember, a vampire's personality has nothing
  327. to do with the person it was.
  328. Angel: Well, actually... That's a good point."
  329. ;;
  330. 57) echo "
  331. Wesley: Back, creature of the night! Leave this place!
  332. Evil Willow: Don't wanna.
  333. Wesley: (threatens with holy water)
  334. Evil Willow: (sighs) Whatever."
  335. ;;
  336. 58) echo "
  337. Giles: Demons after money. Whatever happened to the still-beating
  338. heart of a virgin? No one has any standards anymore."
  339. ;;
  340. 59)echo "
  341. Wesley: Wait for Faith.
  342. Buffy: That could be hours. The girl makes Godot look punctual."
  343. ;;
  344. 60)echo "
  345. Willow: I mean, please. Does Angel come up to Faith's standards
  346. for a guy? Let's see, is he breathing?
  347. Buffy: Actually, no."
  348. ;;
  349. 61) echo "Buffy: Look, I know this new guy's a dork,
  350. but... Well, I have nothing to follow that. He's
  351. pretty much just a dork."
  352. ;;
  353. 62) echo "
  354. Xander: I have my pride. Okay, so I don't have a *lot* of my pride,
  355. but I have enough so that I can't do this."
  356. ;;
  357. 63) echo "Cordelia: You can't see everything. You're just a vampire
  358. like everyone else. . . that didn't come out right."
  359. ;;
  360. 64) echo "Cordelia: We were just discussing whether or not we should
  361. offer to pay Gunn.
  362. Angel: No you weren't.
  363. Wesley: Well, our discussions tend to go about 3 minutes, then it's
  364. strictly name calling and hair pulling."
  365. ;;
  366. 65) echo "Gunn: Fair Cordelia. You still savin' my life?
  367. Cordelia: Every minute.
  368. Gunn: How's that workin' out?
  369. Cordelia: You're alive aren't you?"
  370. ;;
  371. 66) echo "
  372. Buffy: She's playing you. She tried to kill you.
  373. Angel: That was just. . . That was just a cry for help.
  374. Buffy: A cry for help is when you say "Help" in a loud
  375. voice."
  376. ;;
  377. 67) echo " Angel: Donuts?
  378. Wesley: Developed a sweet fang, have you?"
  379. ;;
  380. 68) echo "
  381. Wesley: I can't tell you how sorry I am that I allowed this to happen.
  382. Cordelia: I believe it was Faith who allowed her elbow to collide with
  383. my face.
  384. Wesley: At least you only got the elbow.
  385. Cordelia: Well, if it's any consolation, it looks like you were
  386. tortured by a much larger woman"
  387. ;;
  388. 69) echo "Xander: Hmm, and we thought just because we didn't have any
  389. money or any
  390. place to go, this'd be a lackluster evening.
  391. Willow: I know! We could go to the Bronze, and sneak in our own tea
  392. bags and
  393. ask for hot water.
  394. Xander: Hop off the outlaw train, Will, before you land us all in
  395. jail."
  396. ;;
  397. 70) echo "Cordelia: Buffy, these men are rich, and I am not being
  398. shallow. Think of all the
  399. poor people I could help with all my money."
  400. ;;
  401. 71) echo "Giles: What are you doing?
  402. Willow: Oh. Sorry. The reflection thing that you don't have...Angel,
  403. how do you
  404. shave?"
  405. ;;
  406. 72) echo "Angel: Buffy.
  407. Buffy: Angel.
  408. Xander: Xander."
  409. ;;
  410. 73)echo "Giles: I'll have you know that I have very, um, many
  411. relaxing hobbies.
  412. Buffy: Such as?
  413. Giles: Well, um...I enjoy cross-referencing.
  414. Buffy: Do you stuff your own shirts or do you send 'em out?"
  415. ;;
  416. 74)echo "Xander: She must be right. We must have some kind of
  417. amnesia.
  418. Buffy: I don't know what that is, but I'm certain I don't have it. I
  419. bathe quite
  420. often."
  421. ;;
  422. 75) echo "Buffy: So. You saw their faces, but you can't describe
  423. them.
  424. Spike: Well, they were human. Two eyes each, kind of in the middle."
  425. ;;
  426. 76)echo "Buffy: Besides, it's kind of my job.
  427. Spike: For now.
  428. Buffy: What, you want me to stop working?
  429. Spike: Well, let's see - do I want you to give up killing my friends?
  430. Yeah, I've given it some thought."
  431. ;;
  432. 77) echo "Wicca girl: We come together, daughters of Gaia, sisters to the
  433. moon. We walk with the darkness, the wolf at our side. Through the
  434. waterfall of power, to the blackest heart of eternity. I think we
  435. should have a bake sale."
  436. ;;
  437. 78) echo "Xander: Dinner is served. And my very own recipe.
  438. Willow: Ooh, you pushed the button on the microwave that says
  439. 'popcorn'?
  440. Xander: Actually, I pushed 'defrost', but Joyce was there in the
  441. clinch."
  442. ;;
  443. 79) echo "Harmony: Why have you come to our lonely, small town, which
  444. has no post office and very few exports?"
  445. ;;
  446. 80) echo "Buffy: You know, you could have brought that up to us
  447. before we did it.
  448. Giles: I did! I said there could be dire consequences.
  449. Buffy: Yes, but you say that about chewing too fast."
  450. ;;
  451. 81) echo "Willow: I don't care if it is an orgy of death, there's
  452. still such a thing as a napkin."
  453. ;;
  454. 82) echo "Xander: The quick draw is about more than speed. It's also
  455. about pointing the stake the right way. And there can be splinter
  456. issues."
  457. ;;
  458. 83) echo "Xander: What do you feel?
  459. Anya: Upset, afraid of being without you, and a little hungry.
  460. Xander: I meant about the house.
  461. Anya: Oh. Still haunted."
  462. ;;
  463. 84) echo "Willow: On the other hand, maybe Rodney just stepped out
  464. for a smoke.
  465. Xander: For twenty-one hours?
  466. Willow: It's addictive, you know."
  467. ;;
  468. 85) echo "Xander: And this...is called a snack food.
  469. Ampata: Snack food?
  470. Xander: Yeah. It's a delicious, spongy, golden cake stuffed with a
  471. delightful,
  472. creamy white substance of goodness.
  473. Xander: And the exciting part is that they have no ingredients that a
  474. human
  475. can pronounce, so it doesn't leave you with that heavy food feeling in
  476. your
  477. stomach."
  478. ;;
  479. 86) echo "Buffy: Ampata wasn't evil. At least, not to begin with.
  480. And...I do think she cared
  481. about you.
  482. Xander: Yeah, but I think that whole sucking the life out of people
  483. thing
  484. would've been a strain on the relationship."
  485. ;;
  486. 87) echo "Cordelia: What's her saga?
  487. Xander: She's freaking.
  488. Cordelia: About what?
  489. Xander: The mayor is gonna kill us all during graduation.
  490. Cordelia: Oh. Are you gonna go to 5th period?"
  491. ;;
  492. 88) echo "Anya: You know, you can laugh, but I have witnessed a
  493. millennium of treachery and oppression from the males of the species,
  494. and I have nothing but contempt for the whole libidinous lot of them.
  495. Xander: Then why are you talking to me?
  496. Anya: I don't have a date for the prom."
  497. ;;
  498. 89) echo "Willow: According to Freddy's latest editorial, 'The pep
  499. rally is a place for pseudo-prostitutes to provoke men into a sexual
  500. frenzy, which, when thwarted, results in pointless athletic
  501. competition.'
  502. Xander: And the down-side being?"
  503. ;;
  504. 90) echo "Willow: The school paper is edging on depressing lately. Have you
  505. guys noticed that?
  506. Oz: I don't know. I always go straight to the obits."
  507. ;;
  508. 91) echo "Jonathon: You think I just want attention?
  509. Buffy: No, I think you're up here in a clock tower with a
  510. high-powered rifle because you want to blend in."
  511. ;;
  512. 92) echo "Buffy: Believe it or not, Jonathan, I understand about the
  513. pain.
  514. Jonathon: Oh, right. 'Cause the burden of being beautiful and
  515. athletic, that's a crippler."
  516. ;;
  517. 93)echo "Cordelia: Oxford. Whoopee. Four years in teabag central.
  518. Sounds thrilling. And M.I.T. is a clearasil ad with housing, and Yale
  519. is a dumping ground for those who didn't get into Harvard.
  520. Willow: I got into Harvard."
  521. ;;
  522. 94) echo "Buffy: Looks like a job for wiccan-girl. What do you say,
  523. Will? Big time danger.
  524. Willow: Hey, I eat danger for breakfast.
  525. Xander: But, oddly enough, she panics in the face of breakfast
  526. foods."
  527. ;;
  528. 95) echo "Mayor Wilkins: She's pretty, Angel. A little skinny. Still
  529. don't understand why it couldn't work out with you and my Faith. I
  530. guess you kinda just have strange tastes in women.
  531. Angel: Yeah, well, what can I say? I like 'em sane."
  532. ;;
  533. 96) echo "Spike: Nasty sort of fellow. Lucky for you blighters I was
  534. here, eh?
  535. Giles: Yes. Thank you. Although your heroism is slightly muted by the
  536. fact that you were helping Adam to start a war that would kill us
  537. all.
  538. Xander: You probably just saved us so we wouldn't stake you right
  539. here.
  540. Spike: Well, yeah. Did it work?"
  541. ;;
  542. 97) echo "Cordelia: Hi! You having fun?
  543. Angel: Sure. This is, uh...
  544. Cordelia: Your idea of hell.
  545. Angel: Actually, in hell you tend to know a lot of the people"
  546. ;;
  547. 98) echo "Angel: I've been around death before. A lot. I've lost
  548. people. I've killed people...
  549. Cordelia: And you are dead."
  550. ;;
  551. 99) echo "Angel: You've never done this before. Look, it takes
  552. tremendous strength -- mental strength.
  553. Wesley: Resistence to suggestion. Yes, I understand that. I like to
  554. think of myself as possessing a certain...
  555. Angel: Wesley, you don't even have sales resistance. How many thigh
  556. masters do you own?
  557. Wesley: The second one was a free gift with my Buns of Steel."
  558. ;;
  559. 100)echo "Angel: So, you're back.
  560. Cordelia: Very good, Mister I-can't-tail-the-suspect-during-the-day-
  561. because-I'll-burst-into-flames Private Eye."
  562. ;;
  563. 101)echo " Buffy: What do you want?
  564. Angel: The same thing you do.
  565. Buffy: Okay. What do I want?
  566. Angel: To kill 'em. To kill 'em all.
  567. Buffy: Sorry, that's incorrect. But, you do get this watch and a
  568. year's supply of turtle wax. What I want is to be left alone."
  569. ;;
  570. 102)echo "Buffy: Well, that works out great. You won't tell anyone
  571. that I'm the Slayer, and I won't tell anyone you're a moron."
  572. ;;
  573. 103)echo "Dracula: Very impressive hunt. Such power.
  574. Buffy: That was no hunt. That was just another day on the job.
  575. Care to step up for some overtime?
  576. Dracula: We're not going to fight.
  577. Buffy: Do you know what a Slayer is?
  578. Dracula: Do you?
  579. Buffy: Who are you?
  580. Dracula: I apologize. I assumed you knew. I am Dracula.
  581. Buffy: Get out!"
  582. ;;
  583. 104)echo "Cordelia: When did you become Martha Stewart?
  584. Buffy: First of all, Martha Stewart knows jack about hand-cut
  585. prosciutto.
  586. Xander: I don't believe she slays, either.
  587. Oz: Oh, I hear she can, but she doesn't like to. "
  588. ;;
  589. 105)echo "Xander: Hi, for those of you who just tuned in,
  590. everyone here is a crazy person."
  591. ;;
  592. 106)echo "Mayor Wilkins: There's more than one way to skin a cat.
  593. And I happen to know that factually that's true."
  594. ;;
  595. 107)echo "Faith: When I'm fighting, it's like the whole world goes
  596. away. I only know one thing: that I'm gonna win, and they're gonna
  597. lose. I like that feeling.
  598. Buffy: Well sure, beats that 'dead' feeling you get when they win
  599. and you lose. "
  600. ;;
  601. 108)echo "Faith: You can't trust guys.
  602. Buffy: You can trust some guys. Really, I've read about them."
  603. ;;
  604. 109)echo "Angelus: No weapons... no friends... no hope. Take all
  605. that away and what's left?
  606. Buffy: Me."
  607. ;;
  608. 110)echo "Buffy: Mom, dead people are talking to you. Do the math!"
  609. ;;
  610. 111)echo "Buffy: Oh, no... I have to go take an English make-up exam.
  611. They give you credit just for speaking it, right?"
  612. ;;
  613. 112)echo "Anya: I swear, I am just trying to find my necklace.
  614. Willow: Well, did you try looking inside the sofa in hell?"
  615. ;;
  616. 113)echo "Buffy: Do you remember that demon that almost got out the night I
  617. died?
  618. Willow: Every nightmare I have that doesn't revolve around academic
  619. failure or public nudity is about that thing. In fact, once I
  620. dreamt that it attacked me while I was late for a test and naked."
  621. ;;
  622. 114)echo "Buffy: What should we do with the trio over here? Should we burn
  623. them?
  624. Willow: I brought marshmallows."
  625. ;;
  626. 115)echo "Oz: Sometimes when I'm sitting in class...you know, I'm not
  627. thinking about class 'cause that would never happen... I think
  628. about kissing you. And it's like everything stops, it's like,
  629. freeze frame: Willow kissage."
  630. ;;
  631. 116)echo "Spike: Should I really trust you?
  632. Adam: Scout's honor.
  633. Spike: You were a Boy Scout?
  634. Adam: Parts of me."
  635. ;;
  636. 117)echo "Harmony: Is Antonio Banderas a vampire?
  637. Spike:No.
  638. Harmony: Can I make him one?
  639. Spike: No. On second thought, yes. Go make him a vampire. Take
  640. your time. Get Melanie and the kids, too."
  641. ;;
  642. 118)echo "Willow: I'm a bloodsucking fiend! Look at my outfit!"
  643. ;;
  644. 119)echo "Spike: Where have you been pet?
  645. Drusilla: I went for a walk. I met an old man. I didn't like him,
  646. he got stuck in my teeth."
  647. ;;
  648. 120)echo "Anya: Listen, I have this little project I'm working on, and I
  649. heard you were the person to ask if...
  650. Willow: Yeah, that's me. Reliable dog-geyser-person."
  651. ;;
  652. 121)echo "Xander: So, we Bronzin' it tonight?
  653. Willow: Wednesdays, kinda beat...
  654. Xander: Well, we could grind our enemies into talcum powder with
  655. a sledgehammer, but, gosh, we did that last night."
  656. ;;
  657. 122)echo "Buffy: Who are you?
  658. Angel: Let's just say, I'm a friend.
  659. Buffy: Yeah, maybe I don't want a friend.
  660. Angel: I didn't say I was yours."
  661. ;;
  662. 123)echo "Anya: What a day. Gimme a beer.
  663. Bartender: (deadpan) ID.
  664. (Anya glares at him.)
  665. Bartender: (deadpan) ID.
  666. Anya: I'm eleven hundred and twenty years old! Just gimme a
  667. frickin' beer!
  668. Bartender: (deadpan) ID.
  669. Anya: (sigh) Gimme a Coke. "
  670. ;;
  671. 124)echo "Anya: You know this isn't your world, right? I mean, you know you
  672. don't belong here.
  673. Willow: No. This is a dumb world. On my world, there are people
  674. in chains, and we can ride them like ponies. "
  675. ;;
  676. 125)echo "Spike: What, your Mom doesn't know?
  677. Joyce: Know what?
  678. Buffy: That I'm, uh...in a band. A rock band...with Spike here.
  679. Spike: Right. She plays the-the triangle...
  680. Buffy: Drums.
  681. Spike: Drums, yeah. She's hell on the old skins, you know.
  682. Joyce: (to Spike) And what do you do?
  683. Spike: Well I sing. "
  684. ;;
  685. 126)echo "Xander: Calm may work for Locutus of the Borg here, but I'm
  686. freaked out, and I intend to stay that way. "
  687. ;;
  688. 127)echo "Spike: Ahhhh, my head. I think I'm sobering up. It's horrible.
  689. Ah... God... I wish I was dead. "
  690. ;;
  691. 128)echo "Willow: So, how did it go?
  692. Xander: On a scale from one to ten? It sucked. "
  693. ;;
  694. 129)echo "Buffy: Cool! Crossbow! Check out these babies. Goodbye stakes,
  695. hello flying fatality. "
  696. ;;
  697. 130)echo "Spike: What's this? Sittin' around watching the telly while
  698. there's evil still afoot? It's not very industrious of you. I say
  699. we go out there and kick a little demon ass! What, can't go
  700. without your Buffy, is that it? Let's find her! She is the chosen
  701. one, after all. Come on! Vampires! Grrr! Nasty! Let's annihilate
  702. them, for justice, and for... the safety of puppies... and
  703. Christmas, right? Let's fight that evil! Let's kill something!
  704. Oh, come on! "
  705. ;;
  706. 131)echo "Ford: I wanna be like you...A vampire.
  707. Spike: I've known you for two minutes and I can't stand you. I
  708. don't really feature you living forever. Can I eat him now love?"
  709. ;;
  710. 132)echo "Xander: You're considered somewhat cool.
  711. Oz: I am?
  712. Xander: Is it because you always tend to express yourself in
  713. short, non-commital sentences?
  714. Oz: Could be. "
  715. ;;
  716. 133)echo "Cordelia: Everything has been taken away because Daddy made a
  717. little mistake on his taxes... for the last twelve years. "
  718. ;;
  719. 134)echo "Anya: Men like sports. I'm sure of it.
  720. Xander: Yes. Men like sports. Men watch the action movie, they
  721. eat of the beef, and they enjoy to look at the bosoms. A thousand
  722. years of avenging our wrongs, and that's all you've learned? "
  723. ;;
  724. 135)echo "Wesley: The Council's orders are to concentrate on the...
  725. Buffy: Orders. I don't think I'm going to be taking any more
  726. orders. Not from you, not from them.
  727. Wesley: You can't turn your back on the Council.
  728. Buffy: They're in England. I don't think they can tell which way
  729. my back is facing. "
  730. ;;
  731. 136)echo "Buffy: You read my diary? That is not OK. A diary is like a
  732. person's most private possession. You don't even know what I was
  733. writing about. Hunk can mean a lot of things, bad things. And,
  734. and when I said his eyes were penetrating, I meant bulging.
  735. Angel: Buffy...
  736. Buffy: A doesn't even stand for Angel for that matter. It stand
  737. for Achmed, a charming foreign exchange student. And that whole
  738. fantasy part has nothing to even do with you, at all...
  739. Angel: Your mother moved your diary when she came in to
  740. straighten up. I watched her from the closet. I didn't read it, I
  741. swear.
  742. Buffy: Oh. "
  743. ;;
  744. 137)echo "Spike: Death is your art. You make it with your hands day after
  745. day. That final gasp, that look of peace. And part of you is
  746. desperate to know: What's it like? Where does it lead you? And
  747. now you see, that's the secret. Not the punch you didn't throw or
  748. the kicks you didn't land. She really wanted it. Every Slayer has
  749. a death wish. Even you. "
  750. ;;
  751. 138)echo "Xander: I still don't know why we had to come here to look up
  752. information on a killer snot monster.
  753. Giles: Because it's a killer snot monster from outer space. ...I
  754. did not say that. "
  755. ;;
  756. 139)echo "Buffy: You sound like Mr. Initiative! 'Demons bad,
  757. people good.'
  758. Riley: Something wrong with that theorem? "
  759. ;;
  760. 140)echo "Buffy: I'm gonna give you all a nice, fun, normal evening if I
  761. have to kill every person on the face of the Earth to do it. "
  762. ;;
  763. 141)echo "Xander: I'm not worried. If there's something bad out there,
  764. we'll find, you'll slay, we'll party. "
  765. ;;
  766. 142)echo "Xander: So, do we have to speak Spanish when we see him?' Cause
  767. I don't know anything much besides 'Doritos' and 'chihuahua.'"
  768. ;;
  769. 143)echo "Angelus: I wanna torture you. I used to love it, and it's been
  770. such a long time. I mean, the last time I tortured someone, they
  771. didn't even *have* chainsaws. "
  772. ;;
  773. 144)echo "Spike: Do I have anyone on watch here? It's called security,
  774. people. Are you all asleep? Or did we finally find a restaurant
  775. that delivers?
  776. Ford: I know who you are.
  777. Spike: Yeah, I know who I am too, so what? "
  778. ;;
  779. 145)echo "Buffy: I can't believe you got into Oxford!
  780. Willow: It's pretty exciting.
  781. Oz: That's some deep academia there.
  782. Buffy: That's where they make Gileses!
  783. Willow: I know! I can learn, and have scones! "
  784. ;;
  785. 146)echo "Anya: I have witnessed a millennium of treachery and oppression
  786. from the males of the species, and I have nothing but contempt
  787. for the whole libidinous lot of them.
  788. Xander: Then why are you talking to me?
  789. Anya: I don't have a date for the prom.
  790. Xander: Well, gosh, I wonder why not? It couldn't possibly have
  791. anything to do with your sales pitch.
  792. Anya: Men are evil. Will you go with me? "
  793. ;;
  794. 147)echo "Angelus: You know, I never properly thanked you for sending me to
  795. Hell.
  796. Buffy: No...
  797. Angelus: I'm wondering, where do I start? A card, fruit basket,
  798. hmm? Evisceration? "
  799. ;;
  800. 148)echo "Xander:The mayor is gonna kill us all during graduation.
  801. Cordelia: Oh. Are you gonna go to fifth period?
  802. Xander: I'm thinking I might skip it.
  803. Cordelia: Yeah. Me too. "
  804. ;;
  805. 149)echo "Mayor Wilkins: I have two words that are going to make all your
  806. troubles go away. 'Miniature Golf.'"
  807. ;;
  808. 150)echo "Buffy: Okay, that was too close for comfort. Not that slaying is
  809. ever comfy, but... you know what I mean. "
  810. ;;
  811. 151)echo "Buffy: The world is what it is---we fight, we die. Wishing
  812. doesn't change that.
  813. Giles: I have to believe in a better world.
  814. Buffy: Go ahead. I have to live in this one. "
  815. ;;
  816. 152)echo "Buffy: Your logic does not resemble our Earth logic.
  817. Xander: Mine's much more advanced."
  818. ;;
  819. 153)echo "Harmony: How are you gonna kill her? Think! The second you even
  820. point that thing at her, you're gonna be all 'Aaagh!' (holding
  821. her hand to her head in imitation of Spike), and then you'll get
  822. bitch-slapped up and down Main Street, unless she's finally had
  823. enough and just stakes you!
  824. Spike: Sure, it'll hurt like hell for about two hours. But she'll
  825. be dead just a little longer than that. "
  826. ;;
  827. 154)echo "Xander: I can not stress enough how much I don't have plans. "
  828. ;;
  829. 155)echo "Xander: Nice. Look who's got a bad case of Dark Prince envy.
  830. Dracula: I have no interest in you. Leave us.
  831. Xander: No, we're not going to (imitates Dracula's accent) leave
  832. you. And where'd you get that accent Sesame Street? One, two,
  833. three - three victims. Mwah, ha, ha, ha!
  834. Buffy: Xander, I'm pretty sure that's Dracula.
  835. Xander: Wow, really? Hey, sorry, man, I was... just jokin' around. "
  836. ;;
  837. 156)echo "Buffy: We have a marching jazz band?
  838. Oz: Yeah, but, you know, since the best jazz is improvisational,
  839. we'd be going off in all directions, banging into floats... scary.
  840. Willow: He's just being Oz.
  841. Oz: Pretty much full time. "
  842. ;;
  843. 157)echo "Willow: I knew it! I knew it! Well, not in the sense of having
  844. the slightest idea, but I knew there was something I didn't know."
  845. ;;
  846. 158)echo "Xander: Isn't that what they called The Slayer?
  847. Willow: Buffy, ohh scary.
  848. Xander: Someone has to talk to her people. That name is striking
  849. fear in nobody's hearts. "
  850. ;;
  851. 159)echo "Angel: The Master arose. He let me live... to punish me. I kept
  852. hoping you'd come. My destiny...
  853. Buffy: Is this a get-in-my-pants thing? You guys in Sunnydale
  854. talk like I'm the second coming. "
  855. ;;
  856. 160)echo "Anyanka: You trusting fool. How do you know the other world is
  857. any better than this?
  858. Giles: Because it has to be. "
  859. ;;
  860. 161)echo "Buffy: I don't play well with others. "
  861. ;;
  862. 162)echo "Giles: Since Angel lost his soul, he's regained his sense of
  863. whimsy. "
  864. ;;
  865. 163)echo "Xander: Are you ready to get down, you funky party weasel? "
  866. ;;
  867. 164)echo "Xander: Dorkhead? You lash me with your words! "
  868. ;;
  869. 165)echo "Buffy: Do---do you think I chose to be like this? Do you have any
  870. idea how lonely it is, how dangerous? I would love to be upstairs
  871. watching TV or gossiping about boys or... God, even studying! But
  872. I have to save the world. Again. "
  873. ;;
  874. 166)echo "Xander: So, Buffy, how'd the slaying go last night?
  875. Buffy: Xander!
  876. Xander: I mean, how'd the laying go? No, I don't mean that either."
  877. ;;
  878. 167)echo "Angelus: 'Dear Buffy...' Hmmm. I'm still trying to decide the best
  879. way to send my regards.
  880. Spike: Why don't you rip her lungs out? That might make an
  881. impression.
  882. Angelus: Lacks... poetry.
  883. Spike: Doesn't have to. What rhymes with lungs? "
  884. ;;
  885. 168)echo "Buffy: I didn't jump to conclusions. I took a small step, and
  886. conclusions there were. "
  887. ;;
  888. 169)echo "Drusilla: Your face is a poem. I can read it.
  889. Xander: It doesn't say 'spare me' by any chance? "
  890. ;;
  891. 170)echo "Buffy: No, but, see, Mom, that doesn't really work for me. We're
  892. just going to the magic shop, no school supplies there.
  893. Dawn: Yeah, Mom. I'm not going to Hogwarts. (chuckles) Hog-
  894. (looks at Buffy, who's not amused) Jeez, crack a book sometime."
  895. ;;
  896. 171)echo "Principal Snyder: It's fuzzy-minded liberal thinking like that
  897. that gets you eaten. "
  898. ;;
  899. 172)echo "Buffy: You're like my fairy godmother, and Santa Claus, and Q
  900. all wrapped up into one. (they look at her) Q from Bond, not
  901. Star Trek. "
  902. ;;
  903. 173)echo "Forrest: This is the burden we bear, brother. We have a gig that
  904. would inevitably cause any girl living to think we are cool upon
  905. cool. Yet, we must Clark Kent our way through the dating scene,
  906. never to use our unfair advantage. Thank God we're pretty. "
  907. ;;
  908. 174)echo "Spike: Whatcha doin', love?
  909. Drusilla: I'm naming the stars.
  910. Spike: You can't see the stars, love. That's the ceiling. Also
  911. it's day.
  912. Drusilla: No, I can see them. But I've named them all the same
  913. name, and there's terrible confusion. "
  914. ;;
  915. 175)echo "Buffy: I wish we could be regular kids.
  916. Angel: I'll never be a kid.
  917. Buffy: Okay then, a regular kid and her cradle-robbing
  918. creature-of-the-night boyfriend. "
  919. ;;
  920. 176)echo "Anya: I know what broke up him and Cordelia, you know. It was you!
  921. And your lips!
  922. Willow: No, it was not! Well, yes it was so, but... that was a
  923. long time ago, do you think I'd do that again?
  924. Anya: Why not?
  925. Willow: Hello? Gay now! "
  926. ;;
  927. 177)echo "Oz: So, do you steal weapons from the Army often?
  928. Willow: Well, we don't get cable, so we have to make our own fun."
  929. ;;
  930. 178)echo "Spike: So when do we destroy the world, already? "
  931. ;;
  932. 179)echo "Xander: It's time for me to act like a man... and hide. "
  933. ;;
  934. 180)echo "Xander: Yep, vampires are real. A lot of 'em live in Sunnydale.
  935. Willow'll fill you in.
  936. Willow: I know it's hard to accept at first.
  937. Oz: Actually, it explains a lot. "
  938. ;;
  939. 181)echo "Principal Snyder: There are some things I can just smell. It's
  940. like a sixth sense.
  941. Giles: No, actually, that would be one of the five."
  942. ;;
  943. 182)echo "Buffy: Vampires are creeps.
  944. Giles: Yes. That's why one slays them. "
  945. ;;
  946. 183)echo "Xander: I don't like vampires. I'm going to take a stand and say
  947. they're not good. "
  948. ;;
  949. 184)echo "Willow: Xander, wanna stay and help me?
  950. Xander: Are you kidding?
  951. Willow: Yes, it was a joke I made up. "
  952. ;;
  953. 185)echo "Buffy: Have I ever let you down?
  954. Giles: Do you want me to answer that, or shall I just glare? "
  955. ;;
  956. 186)echo "Buffy: I lost a friend tonight and I may lose more! The whole
  957. world may be sucked into hell, and you want my help 'cause your
  958. girlfriend's a big ho?! Let me take this opportunity to NOT care! "
  959. ;;
  960. 187)echo "Cordelia: I guess you should know since you helped raise that
  961. demon that killed that guy that time.
  962. Giles: Yes, do bring that up as often as possible. "
  963. ;;
  964. 188)echo "Xander: Yeah, I'm gonna have to go with dead boy on this one.
  965. Angel: Could you not call me that? "
  966. ;;
  967. 189)echo "Buffy: We saved the world. I say we have to party. "
  968. ;;
  969. 190)echo "Buffy: Ahh, it's okay. Gave Cord and I chance to spend some
  970. quality death time.
  971. Cordelia: And we got these free corsages. "
  972. ;;
  973. 191)echo "Buffy: Are you crazy? You just don't sneak up on people in a
  974. graveyard. You make noise when you walk, you stomp, or... yodel."
  975. ;;
  976. 192)echo "Buffy: Cordelia, your mouth is open, sound is coming from it,
  977. this is never good. "
  978. ;;
  979. 193)echo "Buffy: Hey, I know! Why don't you kill them?
  980. Giles: I'm a Watcher, I haven't the skill.
  981. Buffy: Oh, come on. A stake through the heart, a little sunlight.
  982. It's like falling off a log. "
  983. ;;
  984. 194)echo "Buffy: I didn't say that I'd never slay another vampire. It's not
  985. like I have all these fluffy bunny feelings for them, I'm just
  986. not gonna get way extracurricular with it. "
  987. ;;
  988. 195)echo "Buffy: I gotta stop him before he unleashes unholy havoc and
  989. it's just another Tuesday night in Sunnydale. "
  990. ;;
  991. 196)echo "Buffy: I'm sorry, it's just been a really weird day.
  992. Xander: Yeah, Buffy died and everything.
  993. Willow: Wow, harsh. "
  994. ;;
  995. 197)echo "Buffy: Mom, the only way you get a new slayer is if the old
  996. slayer dies.
  997. Joyce: Then that means you... When did you die? You never told me
  998. you died.
  999. Buffy: It was just for a few minutes. "
  1000. ;;
  1001. 198)echo "Buffy: Now, we can do this the hard way or... well, actually,
  1002. there's just the hard way.
  1003. Darla: That's fine with me.
  1004. Buffy: Are you sure? Now this is not gonna be pretty. We're
  1005. talking violence, strong language, adult content. "
  1006. ;;
  1007. 199)echo "Buffy: People to see, demons to kill.
  1008. ";;
  1009. 200)echo "Buffy: See, this is a school. And we have students and they check
  1010. out books and then they learn things.
  1011. Giles: I was beginning to suspect that was a myth.
  1012. ";;
  1013. 201)echo "Buffy: You know, I just woke up and I looked in the mirror and
  1014. thought, 'Hey, what's with all the sin.' I need to change. I'm
  1015. dirty, I'm bad with the sex, and the envy, and the loud music us
  1016. kids listen to nowadays. Oh, I just suck at undercover.
  1017. ";;
  1018. 202)echo "Buffy: You're a vampire. Oh, I'm sorry. Was that an offensive
  1019. term? Should I say undead American?
  1020. ";;
  1021. 203)echo "Cordelia: I do what I want to do. And I wear what I want to wear.
  1022. And you know what, I'll date whoever the hell I want to date...
  1023. no matter how lame he is.
  1024. ";;
  1025. 204)echo "Drusilla: How do you feel about eternal life?
  1026. Xander: We couldn't just start with coffee?
  1027. ";;
  1028. 205)echo "Giles: Alright. I'll just jump into my time machine, go back to
  1029. the 12th century and ask the vampires to postpone their ancient
  1030. prophecy for a few days while you take in dinner and a show.
  1031. Buffy: Okay, at this point you're abusing sarcasm.
  1032. ";;
  1033. 206)echo "Giles: I suspect your mother would want to... put it on the
  1034. refrigerator.
  1035. Buffy: Yeah. She saw these scores and her head spun around and
  1036. exploded.
  1037. Giles: I've been on the Hellmouth too long, that was metaphorical,
  1038. yes?
  1039. Buffy: Yes.
  1040. ";;
  1041. 207)echo "Joyce: Something's gonna eat those babies?
  1042. Principal Snyder: I think that is so wrong.
  1043. ";;
  1044. 208)echo "Joyce: You belong in a good old fashioned college with keg
  1045. parties and boys. Not here with Hellmouths and vampires.
  1046. Buffy: Not really seeing the distinction.
  1047. ";;
  1048. 209)echo "The Master: You were destined to die, it was written.
  1049. Buffy: What can I say? I flunked the written.
  1050. ";;
  1051. 210)echo "Oz: It's Willow, she's nearby.
  1052. Cordelia: What? You can smell her? She doesn't even wear perfume.
  1053. Oz: She's afraid.
  1054. Cordelia: Oh my God, is this some sort of residual werewolf
  1055. thing? This is very disturbing.
  1056. Oz: I really agree.
  1057. ";;
  1058. 211)echo "Oz: Looks dead, smells dead, yet it's moving around. That's
  1059. interesting.
  1060. ";;
  1061. 212)echo "Principal Snyder: There are things I will not tolerate: students
  1062. loitering on campus after school, horrible murders with hearts
  1063. being removed. And also smoking.
  1064. ";;
  1065. 213)echo "Spike: You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in
  1066. love 'til it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and
  1067. you'll hate each other 'til it makes you quiver, but you'll never
  1068. be friends. Real love isn't brains, children. It's blood. It's
  1069. blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love's
  1070. bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it.
  1071. ";;
  1072. 214)echo "Willow: You just don't like him 'cause of that time he beat you
  1073. up every day for five years.
  1074. Xander: Yeah, I'm irrational that way.
  1075. ";;
  1076. 215)echo "Xander: And they say that young people don't learn
  1077. anything in high school nowadays, but I've learned to be afraid.
  1078. ";;
  1079. 216)echo "Xander: Generally speaking, when scary things get scared, not
  1080. good.
  1081. ";;
  1082. 217)echo "Xander: How could you let her go?
  1083. Giles: As the soon-to-be-purple area on my jaw will attest,
  1084. I did not 'let' her go.
  1085. ";;
  1086. 218)echo "Xander: I wish dating was like slaying. You know, simple, direct,
  1087. stake through the heart, no muss, no fuss.
  1088. ";;
  1089. 219)echo "Xander: The band, yeah. They're great. They march.
  1090. Willow: Like an army. Except with music, instead of bullets, and
  1091. usually no one dies.
  1092. ";;
  1093. 220)echo "Xander: Well, I guess that makes it official. Everybody's paired
  1094. off. Vampires get dates. Hell, even the school librarian sees
  1095. more action than me.
  1096. ";;
  1097. 221)echo "Buffy: I told one lie... I had one drink...
  1098. Giles: Yes. And you were very nearly devoured by a giant demon
  1099. snake. The words, 'Let that be a lesson' are a tad redundant at
  1100. this juncture.
  1101. ";;
  1102. 222)echo "Angel: I knew this was gonna happen.
  1103. Buffy: What? What do you think is happening?
  1104. Angel: You're 16 years old, I'm 241.
  1105. Buffy: I've done the math.
  1106. Angel: You don't know what you're doing. You don't know what you
  1107. want.
  1108. Buffy: Oh, no. I think I do. I want out of this conversation.
  1109. ";;
  1110. 223)echo "Giles: Might I have a word?
  1111. Buffy: Have a sentence even.
  1112. ";;
  1113. 224)echo "Spike: I did a couple of slayers in my time. I don't like to
  1114. brag. Who am I kidding? I love to brag. One time, during the
  1115. Boxer Rebellion...
  1116. ";;
  1117. 225)echo "Spike: If every vampire who said he was at the Crucifixion was
  1118. actually there it would've been like Woodstock. I was at
  1119. Woodstock. I fed off a flower person and I spent six hours
  1120. watching my hand move.
  1121. ";;
  1122. 226)echo "Xander: I don't get your crazy system!
  1123. Giles: It's called the alphabet.
  1124. Xander: Would ya look at that.
  1125. ";;
  1126. 227)echo "Buffy: When Giles sends me on a mission, he says 'please.' And
  1127. afterwards I get a cookie.
  1128. ";;
  1129. 228)echo "Jenny: You're here again? You kids really dig the library don't
  1130. you?
  1131. Buffy: We're literary.
  1132. Xander: To read makes our speaking English good.
  1133. ";;
  1134. 229)echo "Buffy: Does it ever get easy?
  1135. Giles: You mean life?
  1136. Buffy: Yeah, does it ever get easy?
  1137. Giles: What do you want me to say?
  1138. Buffy: Lie to me.
  1139. Giles: Yes. It's terribly simple. The good guys are always s
  1140. talwart and true. The bad guys are easily distinguished by their
  1141. pointy horns or black hats, and we always defeat them and save
  1142. the day. No one ever dies... and everyone lives happily ever
  1143. after.
  1144. Buffy: Liar.
  1145. ";;
  1146. 230)echo "Xander: Well, yeah. I'd give anything to be able to turn
  1147. invisible. I wouldn't use my powers to beat people up, but use
  1148. my powers to protect the girl's locker room.
  1149. ";;
  1150. 231)echo "Buffy: You know, for someone who teaches human behavior, you
  1151. might try showing some.
  1152. Professor Walsh:It's not my job to coddle my students.
  1153. Buffy: You're right. A human being in pain has nothing to do with
  1154. your job. (leaves)
  1155. Professor Walsh: I like her.
  1156. Riley: Really? You don't think she's a little peculiar?
  1157. ";;
  1158. 232)echo "Buffy: I told you. I said end of the world. And you're like,
  1159. 'Pooh-pooh, Southern California, pooh-pooh.'
  1160. Giles: I'm so very sorry. My contrition completely dwarfs the
  1161. impending apocalypse.
  1162. ";;
  1163. 233)echo "Riley: I thought maybe we could have a little spread. Sandwiches,
  1164. maybe some ants. Could be fun.
  1165. Buffy: We were talking about a picnic?
  1166. Riley: Oh... so, was that a conversation I actually had or one I
  1167. was just practicing?
  1168. ";;
  1169. 234)echo "Buffy: Oh, look at my poor neck... all bare and tender and
  1170. exposed. All that blood, just pumping away.
  1171. Giles: Oh, please.
  1172. Spike: Giles, make her stop!
  1173. Giles: If those two don't kill each other, I might lend a hand.
  1174. ";;
  1175. 235)echo "Xander: Jeez. You mean Oz just sent for his stuff and didn't even
  1176. call her? That's pretty harsh.
  1177. Anya: I only wish I had my powers back. I'd liquefy his entrails
  1178. for her.
  1179. Xander: That's sweet.
  1180. ";;
  1181. 236)echo "Xander: What's going on here? People are going all Felicity with
  1182. their hair.
  1183. ";;
  1184. 237)echo "Giles: But this is why I think we should all keep a level head in
  1185. this.
  1186. Willow: And I happen to think mine is the level head and yours is
  1187. the one things would roll off of.
  1188. ";;
  1189. 238)echo "Buffy: Cool. You guys can do the brain thing. I'm gonna go to
  1190. class.
  1191. Oz: Which could also be construed as the brain thing.
  1192. ";;
  1193. 239)echo "Willow: I just talked to Buffy, and yeah, I think she's feeling a
  1194. little... insane. No, not bitchy crazy, more like homicidal
  1195. maniac crazy. So I told her to come see you, 'kay?
  1196. ";;
  1197. 240)echo "
  1198. Principal Snyder: A lot of educators tell students, 'Think of
  1199. your principal as your pal' I say, 'Think of me as your judge,
  1200. jury, and executioner."
  1201. ;;
  1202. 241)echo "Giles: I need you to take Spike for a few days.
  1203. Xander: What?
  1204. Spike: What?
  1205. Anya: What?
  1206. Spike: I'm not stayin' with him.
  1207. Giles: I have a friend who's coming to town, and I'd like us to
  1208. be alone.
  1209. Anya: Oh, you mean an orgasm friend?
  1210. Giles: Yes, that's exactly the most appalling thing you could
  1211. have said.
  1212. ";;
  1213. 242)echo "Spike: We're out of Wheat-a-Bix.
  1214. Giles: We are out of Wheat-a-Bix because you ate it all. Again.
  1215. Spike: Get some more.
  1216. Giles: I thought vampires were supposed to eat blood.
  1217. Spike: Yeah, well, sometimes I like to crumble up the Wheat-a-Bix
  1218. in the blood. Gives it a little texture.
  1219. Giles: Since the picture you just painted means that I will never
  1220. touch food of any kind again, you'll just have to pick it up
  1221. yourself.
  1222. Spike: Sissy.
  1223. ";;
  1224. 243)echo "Adam: You failed me.
  1225. Spike: Let's not quibble about who failed who.
  1226. ";;
  1227. 244)echo "Angel: Buffy, careful with this gift. Lots of things that seem
  1228. strong and good and powerful, they can be painful.
  1229. Buffy: Like, say, immortality?
  1230. Angel: Exactly. I'm dying to get rid of that.
  1231. Buffy: Funny.
  1232. Angel: I'm a funny guy.
  1233. ";;
  1234. 245)echo "Angel: This isn't some fairy tale. When I kiss you... you don't
  1235. wake up from a deep sleep and live happily ever after.
  1236. Buffy: No... when you kiss me, I wanna die.
  1237. ";;
  1238. 246)echo "(After finding Spike outside her house.)
  1239. Buffy: What are you doing here, Spike? Five words or less!
  1240. Spike: (counting on fingers) Out... for... a... walk... bitch.
  1241. ";;
  1242. 247)echo "Oz: We survived.
  1243. Buffy: Yeah, it was some battle.
  1244. Oz: I meant high school.
  1245. ";;
  1246. 248)echo "Xander: Cavalry's here! Cavalry's a scared guy with a club, but
  1247. it's here!
  1248. ";;
  1249. 249)echo "Willow: Oz is a werewolf.
  1250. Buffy: It's a long story.
  1251. Oz: Got bit.
  1252. Buffy: But obviously not that long.
  1253. ";;
  1254. 250)echo "(In response to being asked to fight a troll)
  1255. Spike: I would, but I'm paralyzed with not caring very much.
  1256. ";;
  1257. 251)echo "Buffy: Every time you show up like this, you risk all your parts,
  1258. you know that?
  1259. Spike: I wouldn't be here if I didn't have a good reason. As
  1260. usual, I'm here to help you and I... are you naked under there?
  1261. Buffy: Get out.
  1262. Spike: No, I'm serious. I mean, not about the naked part...
  1263. ";;
  1264. 252)echo "Cordelia: You're really campaigning for bitch of the year, aren't
  1265. you?
  1266. Buffy: As defending champion, you nervous?
  1267. Cordelia: I can hold my own.
  1268. ";;
  1269. 253)echo "Xander: We're right behind you, only further back.
  1270. ";;
  1271. 254)echo "Riley: When I'm around you Buffy I find myself needing to know
  1272. the plural of apocalypse.
  1273. ";;
  1274. 255)echo "Whistler: Bottom line is, even if you see them coming, you're not
  1275. ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change,
  1276. not really. But it does. So, what are we, helpless? Puppets? Nah.
  1277. The big moments are gonna come, you can't help that. It's what
  1278. you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you
  1279. are.
  1280. ";;
  1281. 256)echo "Xander: All right, where is he? Where's the creep who turned me
  1282. into a spider-eating man-bitch?
  1283. Buffy: He's gone.
  1284. Xander: Dammit. You know what? I'm sick of this. I'm tired of
  1285. being the guy who eats insects and gets the funny syphilis. As
  1286. of this moment, it's over. I'm through being everybody's
  1287. butt-monkey!
  1288. Buffy: Check. No more butt-monkey.
  1289. ";;
  1290. 257)echo "Angel: I'm weak. I've never been anything else. I wanted to lose
  1291. myself in you. I know it will cost me my soul, and part of me
  1292. didn't care. It's not the demon in me that needs killing, Buffy,
  1293. it's the man.
  1294. ";;
  1295. 258)echo "Buffy: Angel, do you snore?
  1296. Angel: I don't know. It's been a long time since anyone's been in
  1297. a position to let me know.
  1298. ";;
  1299. 259)echo "
  1300. Spike: I'm bad! It's just I can't bite anymore, thanks to you
  1301. wankers... Bye the bye, if you're trying to kill her...
  1302. (gives Riley two thumbs up)
  1303. ";;
  1304. 260)echo "Ford: What happened?
  1305. Spike: We're stuck in a basement.
  1306. Ford: Buffy?
  1307. Spike: She's not stuck in a basement.
  1308. ";;
  1309. 261)echo "Willy: What are you gonna' do with him, anyway?
  1310. Spike: I'm thinkin' maybe dinner and a movie. I don't want to
  1311. rush into anything. I've been hurt, you know.
  1312. ";;
  1313. 262)echo "Spike: A slayer with family and friends. That sure as hell wasn't
  1314. in the brochure.
  1315. ";;
  1316. 263)echo "Spike: Oh, sod the spell. Your friends are in the factory. I'm
  1317. really glad I came here, you know? I've been all wrongheaded
  1318. about this. weepin', crawlin', blamin' everybody else. I want
  1319. Dru back. I've just gotta be the man I was, The man She loved.
  1320. I'm going to do what I should have done in the first place-- I'll
  1321. find here, wherever she is, tie her up, torture her until she
  1322. likes me again.
  1323. ";;
  1324. 264)echo "Buffy: Do we really need weapons for this?
  1325. Spike: I just like them. They make me feel all manly.
  1326. ";;
  1327. 265)echo "Spike: What's Big Blue doing anyway?
  1328. The Judge: I am preparing.
  1329. Spike: It's interesting to me that preparing looks a great bit
  1330. like sitting on your ass.
  1331. ";;
  1332. 266)echo "Spike: We like to talk big... vampires do. 'I'm going to destroy
  1333. the world.' That's just tough-guy talk. Strutting around with
  1334. your friends over a pint of blood. The truth is, I _like_ this
  1335. world. You've got...dog racing, Manchester United. And you've
  1336. got people. Billions of people walking around like Happy Meals
  1337. with legs. It's all right here. But then someone comes along
  1338. with a vision. With a real... passion for destruction. Angel
  1339. could pull it off. Good-bye, Picadilly. Farewell,
  1340. Leicester-bloody-Square.
  1341. ";;
  1342. 267)echo "Xander: This is just too much. I mean, yesterday's my life like,
  1343. uh oh, pop quiz. Today, it's rain of toads.
  1344. ";;
  1345. 268)echo "Giles: (scoffs) Magic! Magic's all balderdash and chicanery. I'm
  1346. afraid we don't know a bloody thing. (everyone looking at him)
  1347. Except I seem to be British, don't I? Uh, and a man. With ...
  1348. glasses. (removes glasses) Well, that narrows it down
  1349. considerably.
  1350. ";;
  1351. 269)echo "Spike: Oh, listen to Mary Poppins. He's got his crust all stiff
  1352. and upper with that nancy-boy accent. (everyone looking at him)
  1353. You Englishmen are always so... (pauses) Bloody hell! (ticks off
  1354. on his fingers) Sodding, blimey, shagging, knickers, bollocks,
  1355. oh God! I'm English!
  1356. Giles: Welcome to the nancy tribe.
  1357. ";;
  1358. 270)echo "Spike:'Made with care for Randy.' (looks at Giles angrily) Randy
  1359. Giles? Why not just call me 'Horny Giles,' or 'Desperate for a
  1360. Shag Giles'? I knew there was a reason I hated you!
  1361. Giles: Randy's ... a family name, undoubtedly.
  1362. ";;
  1363. 271)echo "Riley: Way I heard it. You were all peaceable now. You didn't by
  1364. any chance go and lose that pesky soul again, did you?
  1365. Angel: Don't push me, boy.
  1366. Riley: Now what possibly could've happened with Buffy that would
  1367. make you lose your soul?
  1368. Angel: That'd be between me and her.
  1369. Riley: Where do you think you're going?
  1370. Angel: Going to see an old girlfriend.
  1371. ";;
  1372. 272)echo "Riley: Buffy . . . I feel like we've gotten really close. At
  1373. least I thought we had. I don't know much about Angel or your
  1374. relationship with him . . but . . . all I ask is . . if you're
  1375. gonna break heart, do it fast.
  1376. Buffy: What? You think that Angel and I...
  1377. Riley: Didn't you?
  1378. Buffy: No. Of course not. How can you even ask me that?
  1379. Riley: I don't know. Xander said...
  1380. Buffy: Xander?! Oh, he's the deadest man in Deadonia.
  1381. ";;
  1382. 273)echo "Buffy: Then why with the crazy?
  1383. Riley: Because I'm so in love with you I can't think straight.
  1384. ";;
  1385. 274)echo "Buffy: Okay, well, how long before you un-crypt it?
  1386. Willow: Hours. Days maybe. Anyone suggesting months would not
  1387. be accused of crazy talk.
  1388. ";;
  1389. 275)echo "Giles: What ever happened to Latin? At least when that made no
  1390. sense, the church approved.
  1391. ";;
  1392. 276)echo "Giles: You never train with me anymore. He's gonna kick your ass."
  1393. ;;
  1394. 277)echo "Xander: Oh. Okay. You and Willow go do the superpower thing, I'll
  1395. stay behind and putt around the Batcave with crusty old Alfred
  1396. here.
  1397. Giles: Ah-ah, no. I am no Alfred, sir. No, you forget. Alfred had
  1398. a job.
  1399. ";;
  1400. 278)echo "Buffy: I didn't say you were stupid! So... stop being an idiot
  1401. and let me fix this!
  1402. ";;
  1403. 280)echo "Xander: Okay, this is starting to grate my cheese. These
  1404. woods aren't that big. Now, I know we've beein going straight because
  1405. I've been following the North Star.
  1406. Willow: Xander, that's not the North Star. It's an airplane.
  1407. Xander: No, that's not an airplane. That's definitely...a blimp. But I
  1408. can see how one would make that airplane mistake."
  1409. ;;
  1410. *)echo "No quotes here"
  1411. ;;
  1412. esac