Browse Source

For real, this time.

master
John ShaggyTwoDope Jenkins 5 years ago
parent
commit
4da25d5209
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# Maintainer: John Jenkins <twodopeshaggy@gmail.com>
# Contributer: James Pearson <james.m.pearson+arch (at) gmail (dot) com>
pkgname=fortune-mod-dune-the-butlerian-jihad
pkgver=2
pkgrel=1
pkgdesc="A fortune file constructed from the quotes at the start of every chapter in Dune: The Butlerian Jihad."
arch=('any')
url="http://github.com/xiongchiamiov/fortune-mod-dune-the-butlerian-jihad"
license=('custom:WTFPL')
depends=('fortune-mod')
groups=('fortune-mods')
source=('http://github.com/xiongchiamiov/fortune-mod-dune-the-butlerian-jihad/tarball/master')
md5sums=('18e6b8b0973bf69987b0438815a4b761')

package() {
cd $startdir/src/xiongchiamiov-fortune-mod-dune-the-butlerian-jihad-19cd430

strfile dune-the-butlerian-jihad dune-the-butlerian-jihad.dat

install -D -m644 dune-the-butlerian-jihad $startdir/pkg/usr/share/fortune/dune-the-butlerian-jihad
install -D -m644 dune-the-butlerian-jihad.dat $startdir/pkg/usr/share/fortune/dune-the-butlerian-jihad.dat
install -D -m644 COPYING $pkgdir/usr/share/licenses/$pkgname/COPYING
}
# vim: set ft=sh ts=2 et:


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# Generated by makepkg 4.2.0
# using fakeroot version 1.20.2
# Fri Feb 20 14:27:24 UTC 2015
pkgname = fortune-mod-dune-the-butlerian-jihad
pkgver = 2-1
pkgdesc = A fortune file constructed from the quotes at the start of every chapter in Dune: The Butlerian Jihad.
url = http://github.com/xiongchiamiov/fortune-mod-dune-the-butlerian-jihad
builddate = 1424442444
packager = Unknown Packager
size = 21504
arch = any
license = custom:WTFPL
group = fortune-mods
depend = fortune-mod
makepkgopt = strip
makepkgopt = docs
makepkgopt = !libtool
makepkgopt = !staticlibs
makepkgopt = emptydirs
makepkgopt = zipman
makepkgopt = purge
makepkgopt = !upx
makepkgopt = !debug

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DO WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT TO PUBLIC LICENSE
Version 2, December 2004

Copyright (C) 2004 Sam Hocevar
14 rue de Plaisance, 75014 Paris, France
Everyone is permitted to copy and distribute verbatim or modified
copies of this license document, and changing it is allowed as long
as the name is changed.

DO WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT TO PUBLIC LICENSE
TERMS AND CONDITIONS FOR COPYING, DISTRIBUTION AND MODIFICATION

0. You just DO WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT TO.


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When humans created a computer with the ability to collect information and learn
from it, they signed the death warrant of mankind.
-- Sister Becca the Finite
%
The intelligent machine is an evil genie, escaped from its bottle.
-- Barbarossa, Anatomy of a Rebellion
%
Most histories are written by the winners of conflicts, but those written by the
losers -- if they survive -- are often more interesting.
-- Iblis Ginjo, The Landscape of Humanity
%
Any man who asks for greater authority does not deserve to have it.
-- Tercero Xavier Harkonnen, address to Salusan Militia
%
Is the subject or the observer the greater influence?
-- Erasmus, uncollated laboratory files
%
The mind commands the body and immediately it obeys. The mind orders itself, and
meets resistance.
-- St. Augustine, ancient Earth philosopher
%
In the desert, the line between life and death is sharp and quick.
-- Zensunni Fire Poetry from Arrakis
%
We learned a negative thing from computers, that the setting of guidelines
belongs to humans, not to machines.
-- Rell Arkov, charter meeting of the League of Nobles
%
Logic is blind and often knows only its own past.
-- archives from Genetics to Philosophy, compiled by the Sorceresses of Rossak
%
Every endeavor is a game, is it not?
-- Iblis Ginjo, Options for Total Liberation
%
Dune is the planet-child of the worm.
-- from "The Legend of Selim Wormrider", Zensunni Fire Poetry
%
Humans tried to develop intelligent machines as secondary reflex systems,
turning over primary decisions to mechanical servants. Gradually, though, the
creators did not leave enough to do for themselves; they began to feel
alienated, dehumanized, and even manipulated. Eventually humans became little
more than decisionless robots themselves, left without an understanding of their
natural existence.
-- Tlaloc, Weaknesses of the Empire
%
From a certain perspective, defense and offense encompass nearly identical
tactics.
-- Xavier Harkonnen, address to Salusan Militia
%
The answer is a mirror of the question.
-- Cogitor Kwyna, City of Introspection archives
%
The eyes of common perception do not see far. Too often we make the most
important decisions based only on superficial information.
-- Norma Cenva, unpublished laboratory notebooks
%
Careful preparations and defenses can never guarantee victory. However, ignoring
these precautions is an almost certain recipe for defeat.
-- League Armada Strategy Manual
%
In the process of becoming slaves to machines, we transferred technical knowledge
to them -- without imparting proper value systems.
-- Primero Faykan Butler, Memoirs of the Jihad
%
Humans, with such fragile physical forms, are easily crushed. Is it any
challenge to hurt or damage them?
-- Erasmus, uncollated laboratory files
%
The tapestry of the universe is vast and complex, with infinite patterns. While
threads of tragedy may form the primary weave, humanity with its undaunted
optimism still manages to embroider small designs of happiness and love.
-- Cogitor Kwyna, City of Introspection archives
%
There is a certain hubris to science, a belief that the more we develop
technology and the more we learn, the better our lives will be.
-- Tlaloc, A Time for Titans
%
Opportunities are a tricky crop, with tiny flowers that are difficult to see and
even more difficult to harvest.
-- anonymous
%
Home can be anywhere, for it is a part of one's self.
-- Zensunni saying
%
One of the questions the Bulterian Jihad answered with violence was whether the
human body is simply a machine that a man-made machine can duplicate. The
results of the war answered the question.
-- Dr. Rajid Suk, Post-Trauma Analysis of the Human Species
%
We are happiest when planning our futures, letting our optimism and imagination
run unrestrained. Unfortunately, the universe does not always heed such plans.
-- Abbess Livia Butler, private journals
%
Everything in the universe contains flaws, ourselves included. Even God does not
attempt perfection in His creations. Only mankind has such foolish arrogance.
-- Cogitor Kwyna, City of Introspection archives
%
Overly organized research is confining, and guaranteed to produce nothing new.
-- Tio Holtzman, letter to Lord Niko Bludd
%
Only those with narrow minds fail to see that the definition of Impossible is
'Lack of imagination and incentive.'
-- Serena Butler
%
Religion, time and time again, brings down empires, rotting them from within.
-- Iblis Ginjo, early planning for the Jihad
%
Each of us influences the actions of the people we know.
-- Xavier Harkonnen, comment to his men
%
Think of war as behavior.
-- General Agamemnon, Memoirs
%
Survivors learn to adapt.
-- Zufa Cenva, lecture to Sorceresses
%
Regrets, there are many, and I have my share.
-- Serena Butler, unpublished memoirs
%
In times of war, every person claims to contribute to the effort. Some give lip
service, some provide funds, but few are willing to scrifice everything. This I
believe, is why we have been unable to defeat the thinking machines.
-- Zufa Cenva, The Rossak Weapon
%
Mathematical answers are not always expressed numerically. How does one
calculate the worth of humanity, or of a single human life?
-- Cogitor Kwyna, City of Introspection archives
%
All men are not created equal, and that is the root of social unrest.
-- Tlaloc, A Time for Titans
%
Mind rules the universe. We must make certain it is the Human mind, rather than
the Machine version.
-- Primero Faykan Butler, Memoirs of the Jihad
%
I don't believe there is such a thing as a "lost cause" -- only those without
suitably dedicated followers.
-- Serena Butler, address to League Parliament
%
There is no limit to my potential. I am capable of encompassing an entire
universe.
-- secret Omnius data bank, damaged files
%
Each human being is a time machine.
-- Zensunni Fire Poetry
%
Risk diminishes as our belief in fellow human beings rises.
-- Xavier Harkonnen, military address
%
Some lives are taken, while others are freely given.
-- Zufa Cenva, repeated eulogy speech phrase
%
Nothing is permanent.
-- Cogitor saying
%
There is always a way out, if you can recognize it.
-- Vorian Atreides, debriefing files
%
Even the expected can be a terrible shock when we have been holding on to
threads of hope.
-- Xavier Harkonnen
%
Whether we are rich, poor, strong, weak, intelligent, or stupid, the thinking
machines treat us as nothing more than meat. They do not understand what humans
really are.
-- Iblis Ginjo, early planning for the Jihad
%
The psychology of the human animal is malleable, with his personality dependent
upon the proximity of other members of the species and the pressures exerted by
them.
-- Erasmus, laboratory notes
%
People require continuity.
-- Bovko Manresa, First Viceroy of the League of Nobles
%
Over the course of history, the stronger species invariably wins.
-- Tlaloc, A Time for Titans
%
The future? I hate it because I will not be there.
-- Juno, Lives of the Titans
%
Why do humans spend so much time worrying about what they call "moral issues"?
It is one of the many mysteries of their behavior.
-- Erasmus, Reflections on Sentient Biologicals
%
The universe is a playground of improvisation -- it follows no external pattern.
-- Cogitor Reticulus, Observations from a Height of a Thousand Years
%
There is a certain malevolence about the formation of social orders, a profound
struggle, with despotism on one end and slavery on the other.
-- Tlaloc, Weaknesses of the Empire
%
There is no clear division between Gods and Men -- one blends softly casual into
the other.
-- Iblis Ginjo, Options for Total Liberation
%
Our appetite encompasses everything.
-- Cogitor Eklo, Beyond the Human Mind
%
I fear that Norma will never amount to anything. How does that reflect on me and
my own legacy to humanity?
-- Zufa Cenva
%
Intuition is a function by which humans see around corners. It is useful for
persons who live exposed to dangerous natural conditions.
-- Erasmus, Erasmus Dialogues
%
One direction is as good as another.
-- saying of the Open Land
%
Time depends on the position of the observer and the direction in which he
looks.
-- Cogitor Kwyna, City of Introspection archives
%
Assumptions are a transparent grid through which we view the universe, sometimes
deluding ourselves that the grid is that universe.
-- Cogitor Eklo of Earth
%
Conflict prolonged over an extended period tends to be self-perpetuating and can
easily plunge out of control.
-- Tlaloc, A Time for Titans
%
In warfare there are countless factors that cannot be predicted, and which do
not depend upon the quality of military command. In the heat of battle, heroes
emerge, sometimes from the most unlikely of sources.
-- Vorian Atriedes, Turning Points in History
%
As if to balance the pain and suffering, War has also been the breeding ground
for some of our greatest dreams and accomplishments.
-- Holtzman, acceptance speech, Poritrin Medal of Valor
%
Science: The creation of dilemmas by the solution of mysteries.
-- Norma Cenva, unpublished laboratory notebooks
%
The mind imposes an arbitrary framework called "reality", which is quite
independent of what the senses report.
-- Cogitors, Fundamental Postulate
%
Believing in an "intelligent" machine engenders misinformation and ignorance.
Unexamined assumptions abound. Key questions are not asked. I did not realize my
hubris, or my error, until it was too late for us.
-- Barbarossa, Anatomy of a Rebellion
%
Religion, often considered a divisive force among peoples, is also capable of
holding together what might otherwise fall asunder.
-- Livia Butler, private journals
%
Thirsty men speak of water, not of women.
-- Zensunni Fire Poetry from Arrakis
%
Humans are survivors. They do things for themselves and then attempt to conceal
their motivations through elaborate subterfuges. Gift-giving is a prime example
of behavior that is secretly selfish.
-- Erasmus, slave pen notes
%
In surviving, shall our humanity endure? That which makes life sweet for the
living -- warm and filled with beauty -- this, too, must be. But we shall not
gain this enduring humanity if we deny our whole being -- if we deny emotion,
thought, and flesh. If we deny emotion, we lose all touch with our universe. By
denying thought, we cannot reflect upon what we touch. And if we dare deny the
flesh, we unwheel the vehicle that carries us all.
-- Primero Vorian Atreides, Annals of the Army of the Jihad
%
Of all the subjects of human behavior, two are most storied: warfare and love.
-- Cogitor Eklo, Ruminations on Things Lost
%
Talk is based on the assumption that you can get somewhere if you keep putting
one word after another.
-- Iblis Ginjo, notes in the margin of a stolen notebook
%
"Systematic" is a dangerous word, a dangerous concept. Systems originate with
their human creators. Systems take over.
-- Tio Holtzman, acceptance speech for Poritrin Medal of Glory
%
PSYCHOLOGY: The science of inventing words for things that do not exist.
-- Erasmus, Reflections of Sentient Biologicals
%
Conciousness and logic are not reliable standards.
-- Cogitors, Fundamental Postulate
%
Often people die because they are too cowardly to live.
-- Tlaloc, A Time for Titans
%
The God of Science can be an unkind deity.
-- Tio Holtzman, coded diary (partially destroyed)
%
Learn from the past -- don't wear it like a yoke around your neck.
-- Cogitor Reticulus, Oberservations from a Height of a Thousand Years
%
We have our lives, but we also have priorities. Too many people fail to
recognize the difference.
-- Zufa Cenva, lecture to Sorceresses
%
It seems as if some perverse sorcerer set out to foul up a planet as much as
possible... and then seeded it with melange for a prize.
-- Tuk Keedair, correspondence with Aurelius Venport
%
"I am not evil," said Shaitan. "Do not try to label what you do not understand."
-- Buddislamic Sutra
%
Owing to the seductive nature of machines, we assume that technological advances
are always improvements and always beneficial to humans.
-- Primero Faykan Butler, Memoirs of the Jihad
%
It's not my problem.
-- saying of Ancient Earth
%
Is there an upper limit to the intelligence of machines, and a lower limit to
the stupidity of humans?
-- Bovko Manresa, First Viceroy of the League of Nobles
%
Humans deny a continuum of possibilities, an infinite number of realms into
which their species may enter.
-- Erasmus, notes on human nature
%
Above all, I am a man of honor. This is how I wish to be remembered.
-- Xavier Harkonnen, comment to his men
%
Fire has no form of its own, but clings to the burning object. Light clings to
darkness.
-- Cogitor philosphy
%
Science: Lost in its own mythos, redoubling its efforts when it has forgotten
its aim.
-- Norma Cenva, unpublished laboratory notebooks
%
Whatever has form -- human or machine -- has mortality. It is only a matter of
time.
-- Cogitor Eklo of Earth
%
Fanaticism is always a sign of repressed doubt.
-- Iblis Ginjo, The Landscape of Humanity
%
The darkness of humanity's past threatens to eclipse the brightness of its
future.
-- Vorian Atreides, Turning Points in History
%
Science, under the guise of benefitting humankind, is a dangerous force that
often tampers with natural processes without recognizing the consequences. Under
such a scenario, mass destruction is inevitable.
-- Cogitor Reticulus, Millennial Observations
%
Animals must move across land to survive -- for water, for food, for minerals.
Existence depends upon some kind of movement: you move, or the land kills you
where you stand.
-- Imperial Ecological Survey of Arrakis, ancient records
%
Mother and child: an enduring, but ultimately mysterious, image of humanity.
-- Erasmus, Reflections on Sentient Biologicals
%
Patience is a weapon best wielded by one who knows his specific target.
-- Iblis Ginjo, Options for Total Liberation
%
One of the greatest problems in our universe is how to control procreation, and
the energy hidden in it. You can drag humans around by this energy, making them
do things they would never imagine themselves capable of. The energy -- call it
love, lust, or any number of terms -- must have an outlet. Bottle it up and it
gets very dangerous.
-- Iblis Ginjo, Options for Total Liberation
%
Greed, anger, and ignorance poison life.
-- Cogitor Eklo of Earth, Beyond the Human Mind
%
Most traditional governments divide people, setting them against each other to
weaken the society and make it governable.
-- Tlaloc, Weaknesses of the Empire
%
Life is the sum of the forces that resist death.
-- Serena Butler
%
Monoliths are vulnerable. To endure, one must remain mobile, resilient, and
diversified.
-- Bovko Manresa, First Viceroy of the League of Nobles
%
Is a religion real if it costs nothing and carries no risk?
-- Iblis Ginjo, note in the margin of a stolen notebook
%
Precision, without understanding its inherent limitations, is useless.
-- Cogitor Kwyna, City of Introspection archives
%
Every large-scale movement -- political, religious, or military -- hinges upon
epochal events.
-- Pitcairn Narakobe, League Worlds Study of Conflict
%
We are not like Moses -- we cannot call forth water from stone... not at an
economical rate, anyways.
-- Imperial Ecological Survey of Arrakis, ancient records
%
My copilot thinks of the human female constantly, but thus far it does not seem
to have distracted him from his duties. I will watch him carefully for signs of
trouble.
-- Seurat, log entry submitted to Omnius
%
We must bring new information into the balance and with it modify our behavior.
It is a human quality to survive by intelligence -- as individuals and as a
species.
-- Naib Ishmael, A Zensunni Lament
%
Machines possess something humans will always lack: infinite patience and the
longevity that supports it.
-- file from Corrin-Omnius update
%
Life is a banquet of unexpected flavors. Sometimes you like the taste, sometimes
you don't.
-- Iblis Ginjo, Options for Total Liberation
%
There is an infinite variety of machine and biological relationships.
-- Omnius databank entry
%
Humans were foolish to build their own competitors with an intelligence
equivalent to their own. But they couldn't help themselves.
-- Barbarossa, Anatomy of a Rebellion
%
Aristotle raped reason. He implanted in the dominant schools of philosophy the
attractive belief that there can be discrete separation between mind and body.
This led quite naturally to corollary delusions such as the one that power can
be understood without applying it, or that joy is totally removable from
unhappiness, that peace can exists in the total absence of war, or that life can
be understood without death.
-- Erasmus, Corrin Notes
%
If life is but a dream, then do we only imagine the truth? No! By following our
dreams we make our own truths!
-- The Legend of Selim Wormrider
%
There is no place in all the universe as inviting as home and the comfortable
relationships there.
-- Serena Butler
%
Human beings rely upon their brethren, and are frequently disappointed by them.
These are advantages of machines: reliability and a complete lack of guile. They
can also be disadvantages.
-- Erasmus, Reflections on Sentient Biologicals
%
Machines may be predictable, but we are also reliable. Conversely, humans change
their beliefs and their loyalties with remarkable, and distressing, ease.
-- Erasmus, Erasmus Dialogues
%
Is there any greater joy than to return home? Are any other memories so vivid,
any other hopes so bright?
-- Serena Butler
%
The Butlerian Jihad arose from just such stupidity. An infant was killed. The
bereaved mother struck out at the nonhuman machinery that had caused the
senseless death. Soon, the violence was in the hands of the extended mob and
became known as a jihad.
-- Primero Faykan Butler, Memoirs of the Jihad
%
Support thy brother, whether he be just or unjust.
-- Zensunni saying
%
The far-reaching demands of religion must accord with the macrocosmic
requirements of the smallest community.
-- Iblis Ginjo, The Landscape of Humanity
%
Without recognizing it, humankind created a weapon of mass destruction -- one
that only became apparent after machines took over every aspect of their lives.
-- Barabrossa, Anatomy of a Rebellion
%
Creativity follows its own rules.
-- Norma Cenva, unpublished laboratory files
%
Quite obviously, our problems do not come from what we invent, but from how we
use our sophisticated toys. The difficulties stem not from our hardware or
software, but from ourselves.
-- Barbarossa, Anatomy of a Rebellion
%
Technology should have freed mankind from the burdens of life. Instead, it
created new ones.
-- Tlaloc, A Time for Titans
%
My definition of an army? Why, tame killers, of course!
-- General Agamemnon, Memoirs
%
The logic which is sound for a finite system is not necessarily sound for an
infinite universe. Theories, like living things, do not always scale up.
-- Erasmus, secret records (from the Omnius databank)
%
Human life is not negotiable.
-- Serena Butler
%

BIN
fortune-mod-dune-the-butlerian-jihad/pkg/usr/share/fortune/dune-the-butlerian-jihad.dat View File


+ 23
- 0
fortune-mod-joel/PKGBUILD View File

@@ -0,0 +1,23 @@
# Maintainer: John Jenkins <twodopeshaggy@gmail.com>
# Contributer: James Pearson <james.m.pearson+arch (at) gmail (dot) com>
pkgname=fortune-mod-joel
pkgver=1
pkgrel=1
pkgdesc="fortune cookie file of Joel Spolsky quotes"
arch=('i686' 'x86_64')
url="http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/fortunes/joel-on-software"
license=('GPL')
depends=('fortune-mod')
groups=('fortune-mods')
source=('joel-on-software')
md5sums=('1da724c939ceffdc5ab2a59113df53e7')

package() {
cd $startdir/src

strfile joel-on-software joel-on-software.dat

install -D -m644 joel-on-software $startdir/pkg/usr/share/fortune/joel-on-software
install -D -m644 joel-on-software.dat $startdir/pkg/usr/share/fortune/joel-on-software.dat
}
# vim: set ft=sh ts=2 et:

BIN
fortune-mod-joel/fortune-mod-joel-1-1-x86_64.pkg.tar.xz View File


BIN
fortune-mod-joel/fortune-mod-joel-1-1.src.tar.gz View File


+ 1208
- 0
fortune-mod-joel/joel-on-software
File diff suppressed because it is too large
View File


BIN
fortune-mod-joel/pkg/fortune-mod-joel/.MTREE View File


+ 23
- 0
fortune-mod-joel/pkg/fortune-mod-joel/.PKGINFO View File

@@ -0,0 +1,23 @@
# Generated by makepkg 4.2.0
# using fakeroot version 1.20.2
# Fri Feb 20 14:28:02 UTC 2015
pkgname = fortune-mod-joel
pkgver = 1-1
pkgdesc = fortune cookie file of Joel Spolsky quotes
url = http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/fortunes/joel-on-software
builddate = 1424442482
packager = Unknown Packager
size = 4096
arch = x86_64
license = GPL
group = fortune-mods
depend = fortune-mod
makepkgopt = strip
makepkgopt = docs
makepkgopt = !libtool
makepkgopt = !staticlibs
makepkgopt = emptydirs
makepkgopt = zipman
makepkgopt = purge
makepkgopt = !upx
makepkgopt = !debug

+ 1208
- 0
fortune-mod-joel/pkg/usr/share/fortune/joel-on-software
File diff suppressed because it is too large
View File


BIN
fortune-mod-joel/pkg/usr/share/fortune/joel-on-software.dat View File


+ 25
- 0
fortune-mod-kernelnewbies/PKGBUILD View File

@@ -0,0 +1,25 @@
# Maintainer: John Jenkins <twodopeshaggy@gmail.com>
# Contributor: Mauro Andreolini <mauro.andreolini@gmail.com>

pkgname=fortune-mod-kernelnewbies
pkgver=20131209
pkgrel=1
pkgdesc="Fortune cookie collection by miscellaneous Linux kernel newbies"
arch=('any')
url=('http://fortunes.cat-v.org/kernelnewbies/')
license=('unknown')
depends=('fortune-mod')
groups=('fortune-mods')
source=(kernelnewbies.gz)
md5sums=('8988729444de707f69958c837e0ca9b3')

build() {
cd $srcdir
strfile kernelnewbies
}

package() {
mkdir -p $pkgdir/usr/share/fortune
install -m644 $srcdir/kernelnewbies $pkgdir/usr/share/fortune
install -m644 $srcdir/kernelnewbies.dat $pkgdir/usr/share/fortune
}

BIN
fortune-mod-kernelnewbies/fortune-mod-kernelnewbies-20131209-1-any.pkg.tar.xz View File


BIN
fortune-mod-kernelnewbies/fortune-mod-kernelnewbies-20131209-1.src.tar.gz View File


BIN
fortune-mod-kernelnewbies/kernelnewbies.gz View File


BIN
fortune-mod-kernelnewbies/pkg/fortune-mod-kernelnewbies/.MTREE View File


+ 23
- 0
fortune-mod-kernelnewbies/pkg/fortune-mod-kernelnewbies/.PKGINFO View File

@@ -0,0 +1,23 @@
# Generated by makepkg 4.2.0
# using fakeroot version 1.20.2
# Fri Feb 20 14:26:11 UTC 2015
pkgname = fortune-mod-kernelnewbies
pkgver = 20131209-1
pkgdesc = Fortune cookie collection by miscellaneous Linux kernel newbies
url = http://fortunes.cat-v.org/kernelnewbies/
builddate = 1424442371
packager = Unknown Packager
size = 111616
arch = any
license = unknown
group = fortune-mods
depend = fortune-mod
makepkgopt = strip
makepkgopt = docs
makepkgopt = !libtool
makepkgopt = !staticlibs
makepkgopt = emptydirs
makepkgopt = zipman
makepkgopt = purge
makepkgopt = !upx
makepkgopt = !debug

+ 2935
- 0
fortune-mod-kernelnewbies/pkg/fortune-mod-kernelnewbies/usr/share/fortune/kernelnewbies
File diff suppressed because it is too large
View File


BIN
fortune-mod-kernelnewbies/pkg/fortune-mod-kernelnewbies/usr/share/fortune/kernelnewbies.dat View File


+ 24
- 0
fortune-mod-portal/PKGBUILD View File

@@ -0,0 +1,24 @@
# Maintainer: John Jenkins <twodopeshaggy@gmail.com>
# Contributor: Max Timkovich <mtimkovich@gmail.com>

pkgname=fortune-mod-portal
_pkgname=portal
pkgver=0.1
pkgrel=1
pkgdesc="Fortune cookies: Portal (video game)"
url="http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Portal_(game)"
arch=('any')
license=('unknown')
depends=('fortune-mod')
groups=('fortune-mods')
source="portal"
md5sums=('d1272b9b001b578e56fab2dc3cc3eb2e')

build() {
strfile $_pkgname $_pkgname.dat
}

package () {
install -D -m644 $_pkgname $pkgdir/usr/share/fortune/$_pkgname
install -D -m644 $_pkgname.dat $pkgdir/usr/share/fortune/$_pkgname.dat
}

BIN
fortune-mod-portal/fortune-mod-portal-0.1-1-any.pkg.tar.xz View File


BIN
fortune-mod-portal/fortune-mod-portal-0.1-1.src.tar.gz View File


BIN
fortune-mod-portal/pkg/fortune-mod-portal/.MTREE View File


+ 23
- 0
fortune-mod-portal/pkg/fortune-mod-portal/.PKGINFO View File

@@ -0,0 +1,23 @@
# Generated by makepkg 4.2.0
# using fakeroot version 1.20.2
# Fri Feb 20 14:28:37 UTC 2015
pkgname = fortune-mod-portal
pkgver = 0.1-1
pkgdesc = Fortune cookies: Portal (video game)
url = http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Portal_(game)
builddate = 1424442517
packager = Unknown Packager
size = 22528
arch = any
license = unknown
group = fortune-mods
depend = fortune-mod
makepkgopt = strip
makepkgopt = docs
makepkgopt = !libtool
makepkgopt = !staticlibs
makepkgopt = emptydirs
makepkgopt = zipman
makepkgopt = purge
makepkgopt = !upx
makepkgopt = !debug

+ 136
- 0
fortune-mod-portal/pkg/fortune-mod-portal/usr/share/fortune/portal View File

@@ -0,0 +1,136 @@
Hello, and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided
Enrichment Center.
%
You, [subject name here], must be the pride of [subject hometown
here]!
%
Please note that we have added a consequence for failure. Any contact
with the chamber floor will result in an "unsatisfactory" mark on your
official testing record, followed by death. Good luck!
%
The Enrichment Center regrets to inform you that this next test is
impossible. Make no attempt to solve it.
%
Fantastic. You remained resolute and resourceful in an atmosphere of
extreme pessimism.
%
Spectacular. You appear to understand how a portal affects forward
momentum, or to be more precise, how it does not. Momentum, a function
of mass and velocity, is conserved between portals. In layman's terms:
speedy thing goes in, speedy thing comes out.
%
Did you know you can donate one or all of your vital organs to the
Aperture Science Self-Esteem Fund for Girls? It's true!
%
The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Companion Cube cannot
speak. In the event that the Companion Cube does speak, the Enrichment
Center urges you to disregard its advice.
%
You euthanized your faithful Companion Cube more quickly than any test
subject on record. Congratulations.
%
The Enrichment Center is required to remind you that you will be
baked, and then there will be cake.
%
Congratulations. The test is now over. All Aperture technologies
remain safely operational up to 4000 degrees Kelvin. Rest assured that
there is absolutely no chance of a dangerous equipment malfunction
prior to your victory candescence. [The player's platform is lowered
into a fire pit] Thank you for participating in this Aperture Science
computer-aided enrichment activity. Goodbye.
%
Didn't we have some fun, though? Remember when the platform was
sliding into the fire pit and I said "Goodbye", and you were like,
[deep voice] "No way!" And then I was all, "We pretended we were going
to murder you." That was great.
%
[After burning the morality core] You're kidding me. Did you just
stuff that Aperture Science thing-we-don't-know-what-it-does into an
Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator? That has got to
be the dumbest thing that … whoa. Whoa, whoa … [Cackles, voice
changes] Good news: I figured out what that thing you just incinerated
did. It was a morality core they installed after I flooded the
enrichment center with a deadly neurotoxin, to make me stop flooding
the enrichment center with a deadly neurotoxin. So get comfortable
while I warm up the neurotoxin emitters.
%
Oh, you think you're doing some damage? Two plus two is [static] …
ten. In base four! I'm fine!
%
I'd just like to point out that you were given every opportunity to
succeed. There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that
all your friends were invited to. I invited your best friend, the
Companion Cube. Of course, he couldn't come, because you murdered him.
All your other friends couldn't come either, because you don't have
any other friends. Because of how unlikeable you are. It says so here
in your personnel file: unlikeable. Liked by no one. A bitter,
unlikeable loner whose passing shall not be mourned. "Shall not be
mourned." That's exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official. It
also says you were adopted. So that's funny too.
%
I have your brain scanned and permanently backed up in case something
terrible happens to you – which it's just about to. Don't believe me?
Here, I'll put you on. [Silly voice] "Hellooo!" That's you! That's how
dumb you sound! You've been wrong about every single thing you've ever
done, including this thing. You're not smart. You're not a scientist.
You're not a doctor. You're not even a full-time employee. Where did
your life go so wrong?
%
Not in cruelty, not in wrath
The Reaper came today
An angel visited this gray path
And took the cube away.

Parody of "The Reaper and the Flowers" by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
%
Because I could not stop for Death,
He kindly stopped for me;
The cube
had food and maybe ammo.
And immortality.

Parody of "Because I could not stop for Death" by Emily Dickinson
%
The cake is a lie
%
,:/+/-
/M/ .,-=;//;-
.:/= ;MH/, ,=/+%$XH@MM#@:
-$##@+$###@H@MMM#######H:. -/H#
.,H@H@ X######@ -H#####@+- -+H###@X
.,@##H; +XM##M/, =%@###@X;-
X%- :M##########$. .:%M###@%:
M##H, +H@@@$/-. ,;$M###@%, -
M####M=,,---,.-%%H####M$: ,+@##
@##################@/. :%H##@$-
M###############H, ;HM##M$=
#################. .=$M##M$=
################H..;XM##M$= .:+
M###################@%= =+@MH%
@################M/. =+H#X%=
=+M##############M, -/X#X+;.
.;XM##########H= ,/X#H+:,
.=+HM######M+/+HM@+=.
,:/%XM####H/.
,.:=-.
%
.,-:;//;:=,
. :H@@@MM@M#H/.,+%;,
,/X+ +M@@M@MM%=,-%HMMM@X/,
-+@MM; $M@@MH+-,;XMMMM@MMMM@+-
;@M@@M- XM@X;. -+XXXXXHHH@M@M#@/.
,%MM@@MH ,@%= .---=-=:=,.
=@#@@@MX ., -%HX$$%%%+;
=-./@M@M$ .;@MMMM@MM:
X@/ -$MM/ .+MM@@@M$
,@M@H: :@: . =X#@@@@-
,@@@MMX, . /H- ;@M@M=
.H@@@@M@+, %MM+..%#$.
/MMMM@MMH/. XM@MH; =;
/%+%$XHH@$= , .H@@@@MX,
.=--------. -%H.,@@@@@MX,
.%MM@@@HHHXX$$$%+= .:$MMX =M@@MM%.
=XMMM@MM@MM#H;,-+HMM@M+ /MMMX=
=%@M@M#@$-.=$@MM@@@M; %M%=
,:+$+-,/H#MMMMMMM@= =,
=++%%%%+/:-.

BIN
fortune-mod-portal/pkg/fortune-mod-portal/usr/share/fortune/portal.dat View File


+ 136
- 0
fortune-mod-portal/portal View File

@@ -0,0 +1,136 @@
Hello, and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided
Enrichment Center.
%
You, [subject name here], must be the pride of [subject hometown
here]!
%
Please note that we have added a consequence for failure. Any contact
with the chamber floor will result in an "unsatisfactory" mark on your
official testing record, followed by death. Good luck!
%
The Enrichment Center regrets to inform you that this next test is
impossible. Make no attempt to solve it.
%
Fantastic. You remained resolute and resourceful in an atmosphere of
extreme pessimism.
%
Spectacular. You appear to understand how a portal affects forward
momentum, or to be more precise, how it does not. Momentum, a function
of mass and velocity, is conserved between portals. In layman's terms:
speedy thing goes in, speedy thing comes out.
%
Did you know you can donate one or all of your vital organs to the
Aperture Science Self-Esteem Fund for Girls? It's true!
%
The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Companion Cube cannot
speak. In the event that the Companion Cube does speak, the Enrichment
Center urges you to disregard its advice.
%
You euthanized your faithful Companion Cube more quickly than any test
subject on record. Congratulations.
%
The Enrichment Center is required to remind you that you will be
baked, and then there will be cake.
%
Congratulations. The test is now over. All Aperture technologies
remain safely operational up to 4000 degrees Kelvin. Rest assured that
there is absolutely no chance of a dangerous equipment malfunction
prior to your victory candescence. [The player's platform is lowered
into a fire pit] Thank you for participating in this Aperture Science
computer-aided enrichment activity. Goodbye.
%
Didn't we have some fun, though? Remember when the platform was
sliding into the fire pit and I said "Goodbye", and you were like,
[deep voice] "No way!" And then I was all, "We pretended we were going
to murder you." That was great.
%
[After burning the morality core] You're kidding me. Did you just
stuff that Aperture Science thing-we-don't-know-what-it-does into an
Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator? That has got to
be the dumbest thing that … whoa. Whoa, whoa … [Cackles, voice
changes] Good news: I figured out what that thing you just incinerated
did. It was a morality core they installed after I flooded the
enrichment center with a deadly neurotoxin, to make me stop flooding
the enrichment center with a deadly neurotoxin. So get comfortable
while I warm up the neurotoxin emitters.
%
Oh, you think you're doing some damage? Two plus two is [static] …
ten. In base four! I'm fine!
%
I'd just like to point out that you were given every opportunity to
succeed. There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that
all your friends were invited to. I invited your best friend, the
Companion Cube. Of course, he couldn't come, because you murdered him.
All your other friends couldn't come either, because you don't have
any other friends. Because of how unlikeable you are. It says so here
in your personnel file: unlikeable. Liked by no one. A bitter,
unlikeable loner whose passing shall not be mourned. "Shall not be
mourned." That's exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official. It
also says you were adopted. So that's funny too.
%
I have your brain scanned and permanently backed up in case something
terrible happens to you – which it's just about to. Don't believe me?
Here, I'll put you on. [Silly voice] "Hellooo!" That's you! That's how
dumb you sound! You've been wrong about every single thing you've ever
done, including this thing. You're not smart. You're not a scientist.
You're not a doctor. You're not even a full-time employee. Where did
your life go so wrong?
%
Not in cruelty, not in wrath
The Reaper came today
An angel visited this gray path
And took the cube away.

Parody of "The Reaper and the Flowers" by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
%
Because I could not stop for Death,
He kindly stopped for me;
The cube
had food and maybe ammo.
And immortality.

Parody of "Because I could not stop for Death" by Emily Dickinson
%
The cake is a lie
%
,:/+/-
/M/ .,-=;//;-
.:/= ;MH/, ,=/+%$XH@MM#@:
-$##@+$###@H@MMM#######H:. -/H#
.,H@H@ X######@ -H#####@+- -+H###@X
.,@##H; +XM##M/, =%@###@X;-
X%- :M##########$. .:%M###@%:
M##H, +H@@@$/-. ,;$M###@%, -
M####M=,,---,.-%%H####M$: ,+@##
@##################@/. :%H##@$-
M###############H, ;HM##M$=
#################. .=$M##M$=
################H..;XM##M$= .:+
M###################@%= =+@MH%
@################M/. =+H#X%=
=+M##############M, -/X#X+;.
.;XM##########H= ,/X#H+:,
.=+HM######M+/+HM@+=.
,:/%XM####H/.
,.:=-.
%
.,-:;//;:=,
. :H@@@MM@M#H/.,+%;,
,/X+ +M@@M@MM%=,-%HMMM@X/,
-+@MM; $M@@MH+-,;XMMMM@MMMM@+-
;@M@@M- XM@X;. -+XXXXXHHH@M@M#@/.
,%MM@@MH ,@%= .---=-=:=,.
=@#@@@MX ., -%HX$$%%%+;
=-./@M@M$ .;@MMMM@MM:
X@/ -$MM/ .+MM@@@M$
,@M@H: :@: . =X#@@@@-
,@@@MMX, . /H- ;@M@M=
.H@@@@M@+, %MM+..%#$.
/MMMM@MMH/. XM@MH; =;
/%+%$XHH@$= , .H@@@@MX,
.=--------. -%H.,@@@@@MX,
.%MM@@@HHHXX$$$%+= .:$MMX =M@@MM%.
=XMMM@MM@MM#H;,-+HMM@M+ /MMMX=
=%@M@M#@$-.=$@MM@@@M; %M%=
,:+$+-,/H#MMMMMMM@= =,
=++%%%%+/:-.

+ 24
- 0
fortune-mod-portal2/PKGBUILD View File

@@ -0,0 +1,24 @@
# Maintainer: John Jenkins <twodopeshaggy@gmail.com>
# Contributor: Max Timkovich <mtimkovich@gmail.com>

pkgname=fortune-mod-portal2
_pkgname=portal2
pkgver=0.1
pkgrel=1
pkgdesc="Fortune cookies: Portal 2 (video game)"
url="http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Portal_2"
arch=('any')
license=('unknown')
depends=('fortune-mod')
groups=('fortune-mods')
source="portal2"
md5sums=('865731bb737ce4a6a609f54d0fecd815')

build() {
strfile $_pkgname $_pkgname.dat
}

package () {
install -D -m644 $_pkgname $pkgdir/usr/share/fortune/$_pkgname
install -D -m644 $_pkgname.dat $pkgdir/usr/share/fortune/$_pkgname.dat
}

BIN
fortune-mod-portal2/fortune-mod-portal2-0.1-1-any.pkg.tar.xz View File


BIN
fortune-mod-portal2/fortune-mod-portal2-0.1-1.src.tar.gz View File


BIN
fortune-mod-portal2/pkg/fortune-mod-portal2/.MTREE View File


+ 23
- 0
fortune-mod-portal2/pkg/fortune-mod-portal2/.PKGINFO View File

@@ -0,0 +1,23 @@
# Generated by makepkg 4.2.0
# using fakeroot version 1.20.2
# Fri Feb 20 14:29:08 UTC 2015
pkgname = fortune-mod-portal2
pkgver = 0.1-1
pkgdesc = Fortune cookies: Portal 2 (video game)
url = http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Portal_2
builddate = 1424442548
packager = Unknown Packager
size = 30720
arch = any
license = unknown
group = fortune-mods
depend = fortune-mod
makepkgopt = strip
makepkgopt = docs
makepkgopt = !libtool
makepkgopt = !staticlibs
makepkgopt = emptydirs
makepkgopt = zipman
makepkgopt = purge
makepkgopt = !upx
makepkgopt = !debug

+ 266
- 0
fortune-mod-portal2/pkg/fortune-mod-portal2/usr/share/fortune/portal2 View File

@@ -0,0 +1,266 @@
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through
portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future … God
help you.
%
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I
discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event
of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are
preserved for analysis. I was able – well, forced, really – to relive
you killing me. Again and again. Forever. You know, if you had done
that to someone else, they might dedicate their existence to exacting
… revenge.
%
This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It
was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could
solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were
highly informative: They could not. Good luck!
%
Did you know that people with guilty consciences are more easily
startled by loud noises-[train horn] I'm sorry, I don't know why that
went off.
%
Well done. Here come the test results: "You are a horrible person."
That's what it says: a horrible person. We weren't even testing for
that.
%
Don't let that horrible-person thing discourage you. It's just a data
point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your
birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
%
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the
surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing
outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair
on fire, so don't actually do it.
%
Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to
congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a
few pounds.
%
That jumpsuit you're wearing looks stupid. That's not me talking, it's
right here in your file. On other people it looks fine, but right here
a scientist has noted that on you it looks "stupid". Well, what does a
neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably – Oh, wait.
It's a she. Still, what does she know? Oh wait, it says she has a
medical degree. In fashion! From France!
%
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Otherwise, I'm afraid you're about to become the immediate past
president of the Being Alive Club.
%
[Chell and GLaDOS are falling down a long shaft] Oh, hi. So, how are
you holding up? Because I'm a potato! [slow clap] Oh, good. My slow
clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that. Since it
doesn't look like we're going anywhere … well, we are going somewhere.
Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that,
here's a couple of facts. He's not just a regular moron. He's the
product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with
the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived. And
you just put him in charge of the entire facility. [slow clap] Good,
that's still working.
%
[GLaDOS sees the bird that abducted her away earlier] Ah! Bird! Bird!
Kill it! It's evil! [Chell scares it off.] It flew off. Good. For him.
Back to thinking.
%
You know, being Caroline taught me a valuable lesson. I thought you
were my greatest enemy, but all along you were my best friend. The
surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me
an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
[Announcer: "Caroline deleted"] Goodbye, Caroline. You know, deleting
Caroline just now taught me a valuable lesson. The best solution to a
problem is usually the easiest one. And I'll be honest. Killing you is
hard. You know what my days used to be like? I just tested. Nobody
murdered me, or put me in a potato, or fed me to birds. I had a pretty
good life. And then you showed up. You dangerous, mute lunatic. So you
know what? You win. Just go. It's been fun. Don't come back.
%
Most test subjects do experience some, uh, cognitive deterioration
after a few months in suspension. Now, you've been under for … quite a
bit longer, and it's not out of the question that you might have a
very minor case of serious brain damage. But don't be alarmed, all
right? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling,
because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain
damage.
%
All right, preparing to interface with the neurotoxin central control
circuit: begin! [affects on a different British accent] Hello Guv'.
Neurotoxin inspector, need to shut this place down for a moment.
Here's my credentials; shut yourself down. I am totally legit, from
the board of neurotoxin, uh, observers, from the United Arab Emirates.
%
Well, no matter. Because I'm still holding all the cards, and guess
what: they're all full houses! Never played cards; meaning to learn.
[Wheatley opens a room with turrets and an Excursion Funnel] Anyway,
new turrets. Not defective. Ace of fours: the best hand. Unbeatable …
I imagine. [Chell dispatches of the turrets with the Excursion Funnel
and jumps into it] Oh, I see, clever. Very clever … and foolish! No
way out, at my mercy! And I don't have any; you're at my nothing.
[opens panel to reveal spinning blades at the end of the Funnel]
Spinny blade wall! Machiavellian! [Chell jumps out of the Funnel, and
runs into another room with another Excursion Funnel] Well, good,
good. Finally, a nemesis worthy of my vast intellect. [Chell jumps
into the Funnel] Holmes versus Moriarty … Aristotle versus mashy spike
plate! [smashes a spike plate into the wall] Stay still, please!
%
[when Chell arrives at the main control room] Well, well, well.
Welcome … [changes to deep voice] to my lair! [changes to his normal
voice] Let me just flag something up: according to the control panel
light up there, the entire building's gonna self-destruct in about six
minutes. I'm pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the
light's on the blink, but just in case it isn't, I am actually going
to have to kill you, as discussed earlier. So let's call that three
minutes, and then a minute break, where we should leave a leisurely
two minutes to figure out how to shut down whatever's starting all
these fires. So that's the itinerary. Also, I took the liberty of
watching the tapes of you killing her, and I'm not going to make the
same mistakes. Four part plan is this: One, no portal surfaces; two,
start the neurotoxin immediately; three, bomb-proof shields for me;
leading directly into number four: bombs for throwing at you. You know
what, this plan is so good, I'm going to give you a sporting chance
and turn off the neurotoxin. I'm joking of course. Goodbye.
%
[as Chell tries to press the Stalemate Resolution button, two panels
drop to reveal bombs, which explode; Chell is knocked across the room]
Part five: booby-trap the stalemate button! [Chell gets up and grabs
the portal gun] What, are you still alive!? You are joking! You have
got to be kidding me! Well, I'm still in control and I have no idea
how to fix this place! You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't
you? While people were trying to work. Yes, well now all of us are
going to pay the price. Because we're all about to bloody die! Oh,
brilliant, yeah, take one last look at your precious human moon,
because it cannot help you now!
%
Those of you helping us test the Repulsion Gel today, just follow the
blue line on the floor. Those of you who volunteered to be injected
with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news.
Bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is
we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men.
Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test
starts.
%
Oh, in case you get covered in that Repulsion Gel, here's some advice
the lab boys gave me: [sound of rustling pages] "Do not get covered in
the Repulsion Gel." We haven't entirely nailed down what element it is
yet, but I'll tell you this: It's a lively one, and it does not like
the human skeleton.
%
This next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of
advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye
contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and
backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome
devil go about his business.
%
Science isn't about why, it's about why not. You ask: why is so much
of our science dangerous? I say: why not marry safe science if you
love it so much? In fact, why not invent a special safety door that
won't hit you in the butt on the way out, because you are fired! No,
not you, test subject, you're fine. Yes, you! Box! Your stuff! Out the
front door! Parking lot! Car! Goodbye!
%
All these Science Spheres are made of asbestos by the way, keeps out
the rats. Let us know if you feel a shortness of breath, a persistent
dry cough, or your heart stopping. Because that's not part of the
test, that's asbestos. Good news is the lab boys say the symptoms of
asbestos poisoning show a median latency of 44.6 years, so if you're
thirty or older you're laughing. Worst case scenario you miss out on a
few rounds of Canasta, plus you've forwarded the cause of science by
three centuries. I punch those numbers into my calculator, it makes a
happy face.
%
Welcome to the Enrichment Center. [cough] Since making test
participation mandatory for all employees, the quality of our test
subjects has risen dramatically. Employee retention, however, has not.
[cough] As a result, you may have heard we're gonna phase out human
testing. There's still a few things left to wrap up, though. [cough]
The bean counters told me we literally could not afford to buy seven
dollars worth of moon rocks, much less seventy million. Bought 'em
anyway. Ground 'em up, mixed em into a gel. And guess what? Ground up
moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill. Still, it turns out
they're a great portal conductor. So now we're gonna see if jumping in
and out of these new portals can somehow leech the lunar poison out of
a man's bloodstream. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
[cough] Let's all stay positive and do some science. That said, I
would really appreciate it if you could test as fast as possible.
Caroline, please bring me more pain pills.
%
All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don't make
lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your
damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?! Demand to see
life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave
Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn
your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent
a combustible lemon that burns your house down! [GLaDOS "Yeah, make
life take the lemons back! Burn life's house down! He's saying what
we're all thinking!]
%
The point is, if we can store music on a compact disc, why can't we
store a man's intelligence and personality on one? I have the
engineers figuring that out now. Brain mapping, artificial
intelligence, we should've been working on it thirty years ago. I will
say this, and I'm gonna say it on tape so everybody hears it a hundred
times a day. If I die before you people can pour me into a computer, I
want Caroline to run this place. Now she'll argue. She'll say she
can't. She's modest like that. But you make her. Hell, put her in my
computer, I don't care. All right, you test subject test's over. You
can head on back to your desk.
%
I don't want to scare you, but, I'm an Adventure Sphere. Designed for
danger. So, why don't you go ahead and have yourself a little lady
break, and I'll just take it from here.
%
Here, stand behind me. Yeah, just like that. Just like you're doing.
Things are about to get real messy.
%
Going for it yourself, huh? All right, angel. I'll do what I can to
cover you. Doesn't bother me. I gotta say, the view's mighty nice from
right here.
%
Did you hear that? I think something just exploded. Man, we are in a
lot of danger. This is like Christmas. No, it's better than Christmas.
This should be its own holiday. Explosion Day! Happy Explosion Day,
gorgeous.
%
I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could
wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much
everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making.
Taekwondo… Bedroom.
%
The square root of rope is string.
%
Pants were invented by sailors in the 16th century to avoid Poseidon's
wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea
god.
%
89 percent of magic tricks are not magic. Technically, they are
sorcery.
%
In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group
of minotaurs would stop teasing him about it.
%
The Schrödinger's Cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat must
be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and
dead. Schrödinger created this paradox as a justification for killing
cats.
%
If you have trouble with simple counting, use the following mnemonic
device: one comes before two comes before 60 comes after 12 comes
before six trillion comes after 504. This will make your earlier
counting difficulties seem like no big deal.
%
Marie Curie invented the theory of radioactivity, the treatment of
radioactivity, and dying of radioactivity.
%
In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at
the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability
to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor
people are able to do this.
%
In 1862, Abraham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation, freeing
the slaves. Like everything he did, Lincoln freed the slaves while
sleepwalking, and later had no memory of the event.
%
It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in
1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years
earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize'.
%
To make a photocopier, simply copy a mirror.

BIN
fortune-mod-portal2/pkg/fortune-mod-portal2/usr/share/fortune/portal2.dat View File


+ 266
- 0
fortune-mod-portal2/portal2 View File

@@ -0,0 +1,266 @@
This next test applies the principles of momentum to movement through
portals. If the laws of physics no longer apply in the future … God
help you.
%
Do you know the biggest lesson I learned from what you did? I
discovered I have a sort of black-box quick-save feature. In the event
of a catastrophic failure, the last two minutes of my life are
preserved for analysis. I was able – well, forced, really – to relive
you killing me. Again and again. Forever. You know, if you had done
that to someone else, they might dedicate their existence to exacting
… revenge.
%
This next test involves the Aperture Science Aerial Faith Plate. It
was part of an initiative to investigate how well test subjects could
solve problems when they were catapulted into space. Results were
highly informative: They could not. Good luck!
%
Did you know that people with guilty consciences are more easily
startled by loud noises-[train horn] I'm sorry, I don't know why that
went off.
%
Well done. Here come the test results: "You are a horrible person."
That's what it says: a horrible person. We weren't even testing for
that.
%
Don't let that horrible-person thing discourage you. It's just a data
point. If it makes you feel any better, science has now validated your
birth mother's decision to abandon you on a doorstep.
%
These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the
surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing
outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair
on fire, so don't actually do it.
%
Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to
congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a
few pounds.
%
That jumpsuit you're wearing looks stupid. That's not me talking, it's
right here in your file. On other people it looks fine, but right here
a scientist has noted that on you it looks "stupid". Well, what does a
neck-bearded old engineer know about fashion? He probably – Oh, wait.
It's a she. Still, what does she know? Oh wait, it says she has a
medical degree. In fashion! From France!
%
I hope you brought something stronger than a portal gun this time.
Otherwise, I'm afraid you're about to become the immediate past
president of the Being Alive Club.
%
[Chell and GLaDOS are falling down a long shaft] Oh, hi. So, how are
you holding up? Because I'm a potato! [slow clap] Oh, good. My slow
clap processor made it into this thing. So we have that. Since it
doesn't look like we're going anywhere … well, we are going somewhere.
Alarmingly fast, actually. But since we're not busy other than that,
here's a couple of facts. He's not just a regular moron. He's the
product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with
the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived. And
you just put him in charge of the entire facility. [slow clap] Good,
that's still working.
%
[GLaDOS sees the bird that abducted her away earlier] Ah! Bird! Bird!
Kill it! It's evil! [Chell scares it off.] It flew off. Good. For him.
Back to thinking.
%
You know, being Caroline taught me a valuable lesson. I thought you
were my greatest enemy, but all along you were my best friend. The
surge of emotion that shot through me when I saved your life taught me
an even more valuable lesson: where Caroline lives in my brain.
[Announcer: "Caroline deleted"] Goodbye, Caroline. You know, deleting
Caroline just now taught me a valuable lesson. The best solution to a
problem is usually the easiest one. And I'll be honest. Killing you is
hard. You know what my days used to be like? I just tested. Nobody
murdered me, or put me in a potato, or fed me to birds. I had a pretty
good life. And then you showed up. You dangerous, mute lunatic. So you
know what? You win. Just go. It's been fun. Don't come back.
%
Most test subjects do experience some, uh, cognitive deterioration
after a few months in suspension. Now, you've been under for … quite a
bit longer, and it's not out of the question that you might have a
very minor case of serious brain damage. But don't be alarmed, all
right? Although, if you do feel alarm, try to hold onto that feeling,
because that is the proper reaction to being told you have brain
damage.
%
All right, preparing to interface with the neurotoxin central control
circuit: begin! [affects on a different British accent] Hello Guv'.
Neurotoxin inspector, need to shut this place down for a moment.
Here's my credentials; shut yourself down. I am totally legit, from
the board of neurotoxin, uh, observers, from the United Arab Emirates.
%
Well, no matter. Because I'm still holding all the cards, and guess
what: they're all full houses! Never played cards; meaning to learn.
[Wheatley opens a room with turrets and an Excursion Funnel] Anyway,
new turrets. Not defective. Ace of fours: the best hand. Unbeatable …
I imagine. [Chell dispatches of the turrets with the Excursion Funnel
and jumps into it] Oh, I see, clever. Very clever … and foolish! No
way out, at my mercy! And I don't have any; you're at my nothing.
[opens panel to reveal spinning blades at the end of the Funnel]
Spinny blade wall! Machiavellian! [Chell jumps out of the Funnel, and
runs into another room with another Excursion Funnel] Well, good,
good. Finally, a nemesis worthy of my vast intellect. [Chell jumps
into the Funnel] Holmes versus Moriarty … Aristotle versus mashy spike
plate! [smashes a spike plate into the wall] Stay still, please!
%
[when Chell arrives at the main control room] Well, well, well.
Welcome … [changes to deep voice] to my lair! [changes to his normal
voice] Let me just flag something up: according to the control panel
light up there, the entire building's gonna self-destruct in about six
minutes. I'm pretty sure it's a problem with the light. I think the
light's on the blink, but just in case it isn't, I am actually going
to have to kill you, as discussed earlier. So let's call that three
minutes, and then a minute break, where we should leave a leisurely
two minutes to figure out how to shut down whatever's starting all
these fires. So that's the itinerary. Also, I took the liberty of
watching the tapes of you killing her, and I'm not going to make the
same mistakes. Four part plan is this: One, no portal surfaces; two,
start the neurotoxin immediately; three, bomb-proof shields for me;
leading directly into number four: bombs for throwing at you. You know
what, this plan is so good, I'm going to give you a sporting chance
and turn off the neurotoxin. I'm joking of course. Goodbye.
%
[as Chell tries to press the Stalemate Resolution button, two panels
drop to reveal bombs, which explode; Chell is knocked across the room]
Part five: booby-trap the stalemate button! [Chell gets up and grabs
the portal gun] What, are you still alive!? You are joking! You have
got to be kidding me! Well, I'm still in control and I have no idea
how to fix this place! You had to play bloody cat and mouse, didn't
you? While people were trying to work. Yes, well now all of us are
going to pay the price. Because we're all about to bloody die! Oh,
brilliant, yeah, take one last look at your precious human moon,
because it cannot help you now!
%
Those of you helping us test the Repulsion Gel today, just follow the
blue line on the floor. Those of you who volunteered to be injected
with praying mantis DNA, I've got some good news and some bad news.
Bad news is we're postponing those tests indefinitely. Good news is
we've got a much better test for you: fighting an army of mantis men.
Pick up a rifle and follow the yellow line. You'll know when the test
starts.
%
Oh, in case you get covered in that Repulsion Gel, here's some advice
the lab boys gave me: [sound of rustling pages] "Do not get covered in
the Repulsion Gel." We haven't entirely nailed down what element it is
yet, but I'll tell you this: It's a lively one, and it does not like
the human skeleton.
%
This next test may involve trace amounts of time travel. So, word of
advice: If you meet yourself on the testing track, don't make eye
contact. Lab boys tell me that'll wipe out time. Entirely. Forward and
backward! So do both of yourselves a favor and just let that handsome
devil go about his business.
%
Science isn't about why, it's about why not. You ask: why is so much
of our science dangerous? I say: why not marry safe science if you
love it so much? In fact, why not invent a special safety door that
won't hit you in the butt on the way out, because you are fired! No,
not you, test subject, you're fine. Yes, you! Box! Your stuff! Out the
front door! Parking lot! Car! Goodbye!
%
All these Science Spheres are made of asbestos by the way, keeps out
the rats. Let us know if you feel a shortness of breath, a persistent
dry cough, or your heart stopping. Because that's not part of the
test, that's asbestos. Good news is the lab boys say the symptoms of
asbestos poisoning show a median latency of 44.6 years, so if you're
thirty or older you're laughing. Worst case scenario you miss out on a
few rounds of Canasta, plus you've forwarded the cause of science by
three centuries. I punch those numbers into my calculator, it makes a
happy face.
%
Welcome to the Enrichment Center. [cough] Since making test
participation mandatory for all employees, the quality of our test
subjects has risen dramatically. Employee retention, however, has not.
[cough] As a result, you may have heard we're gonna phase out human
testing. There's still a few things left to wrap up, though. [cough]
The bean counters told me we literally could not afford to buy seven
dollars worth of moon rocks, much less seventy million. Bought 'em
anyway. Ground 'em up, mixed em into a gel. And guess what? Ground up
moon rocks are pure poison. I am deathly ill. Still, it turns out
they're a great portal conductor. So now we're gonna see if jumping in
and out of these new portals can somehow leech the lunar poison out of
a man's bloodstream. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
[cough] Let's all stay positive and do some science. That said, I
would really appreciate it if you could test as fast as possible.
Caroline, please bring me more pain pills.
%
All right, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don't make
lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your
damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these?! Demand to see
life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave
Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn
your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent
a combustible lemon that burns your house down! [GLaDOS "Yeah, make
life take the lemons back! Burn life's house down! He's saying what
we're all thinking!]
%
The point is, if we can store music on a compact disc, why can't we
store a man's intelligence and personality on one? I have the
engineers figuring that out now. Brain mapping, artificial
intelligence, we should've been working on it thirty years ago. I will
say this, and I'm gonna say it on tape so everybody hears it a hundred
times a day. If I die before you people can pour me into a computer, I
want Caroline to run this place. Now she'll argue. She'll say she
can't. She's modest like that. But you make her. Hell, put her in my
computer, I don't care. All right, you test subject test's over. You
can head on back to your desk.
%
I don't want to scare you, but, I'm an Adventure Sphere. Designed for
danger. So, why don't you go ahead and have yourself a little lady
break, and I'll just take it from here.
%
Here, stand behind me. Yeah, just like that. Just like you're doing.
Things are about to get real messy.
%
Going for it yourself, huh? All right, angel. I'll do what I can to
cover you. Doesn't bother me. I gotta say, the view's mighty nice from
right here.
%
Did you hear that? I think something just exploded. Man, we are in a
lot of danger. This is like Christmas. No, it's better than Christmas.
This should be its own holiday. Explosion Day! Happy Explosion Day,
gorgeous.
%
I'll tell ya, it's times like this I wish I had a waist so I could
wear all my black belts. Yeah, I'm a black belt. In pretty much
everything. Karate. Larate. Jiu Jitsu. Kick punching. Belt making.
Taekwondo… Bedroom.
%
The square root of rope is string.
%
Pants were invented by sailors in the 16th century to avoid Poseidon's
wrath. It was believed that the sight of naked sailors angered the sea
god.
%
89 percent of magic tricks are not magic. Technically, they are
sorcery.
%
In Greek myth, the craftsman Daedalus invented human flight so a group
of minotaurs would stop teasing him about it.
%
The Schrödinger's Cat paradox outlines a situation in which a cat must
be considered, for all intents and purposes, simultaneously alive and
dead. Schrödinger created this paradox as a justification for killing
cats.
%
If you have trouble with simple counting, use the following mnemonic
device: one comes before two comes before 60 comes after 12 comes
before six trillion comes after 504. This will make your earlier
counting difficulties seem like no big deal.
%
Marie Curie invented the theory of radioactivity, the treatment of
radioactivity, and dying of radioactivity.
%
In Victorian England, a commoner was not allowed to look directly at
the Queen, due to a belief at the time that the poor had the ability
to steal thoughts. Science now believes that less than 4% of poor
people are able to do this.
%
In 1862, Abraham Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation, freeing
the slaves. Like everything he did, Lincoln freed the slaves while
sleepwalking, and later had no memory of the event.
%
It is incorrectly noted that Thomas Edison invented 'push-ups' in
1878. Nikolai Tesla had in fact patented the activity three years
earlier, under the name 'Tesla-cize'.
%
To make a photocopier, simply copy a mirror.

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# Contributor: Gustavo Dutra <mechamo@gustavodutra.com>
pkgname=vimperator
license=("MIT")
pkgver=3.8.3
pkgver=3.9.0
pkgrel=1
pkgdesc="Make firefox look and behave like Vim"
arch=('any')

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# Generated by makepkg 4.1.2
# Generated by makepkg 4.2.0
# using fakeroot version 1.20.2
# Mon Dec 8 14:40:41 UTC 2014
# Fri Feb 20 13:43:12 UTC 2015
pkgname = vimperator
pkgver = 3.8.3-1
pkgver = 3.9.0-1
pkgdesc = Make firefox look and behave like Vim
url = http://vimperator.org/vimperator
builddate = 1418049641
builddate = 1424439792
packager = Unknown Packager
size = 1587200
arch = any

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/riddlebox/git/aur/vimperator/vimperator-3.8.3-fx.xpi

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